Author Topic: Questions about Australia  (Read 264 times)

pat

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Questions about Australia
« on: February 19, 2023, 09:46:46 PM »
Oldies but goldies. These might give you a chuckle:

These were posted on an Australian tourism website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only 3,000 miles. Take lots of water.

Q: Can you give me some info about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle-shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not ...oh, forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: What for? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna boys' choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ... oh, forget it. Sure, the Vienna boys' choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, right after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-mer-ica, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless and can be handled.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll need to learn it first.

blackrockrose

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Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2023, 01:46:30 PM »
 :D :D :D

Wibbly Bits

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Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2023, 03:21:17 PM »
Good one Pat. Got some chuckles from Mrs Bits, and lots of guffaws from me.  :D

Calilasseia

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Re: Questions about Australia
« Reply #3 on: March 27, 2023, 01:15:22 PM »
I have just been reminded, courtesy of this, of a song by the Scared Little Weird Guys, called Come to Australia .

You can listen to it here ... :D
Remember: if the world's bees disappear, we become extinct with them ...