An arts festival is held in Edinburgh in Scotland every year and some of the performers are stand-up comedians. They hold a competition for the best one-liner.
These are the winners this year; some of them might give you a chuckle.
1. I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta.
2. Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next day delivery?
3. My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock.
4. By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I, but it is the same house and the same family.
5. I hate funerals. I’m not a mourning person.
6. I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back.
7. I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx.
8. I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery.
9. Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate.
10. I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days.