Author Topic: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!  (Read 642688 times)

TRex

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1980 on: October 26, 2013, 03:04:37 AM »
But don't you give people's weights in pounds in the UK, TRex? I'm sure I've seen it in American novels.

People's weights are normally given in pounds in the U.S.; it is stone which is not used.

mkenuk

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1981 on: October 26, 2013, 08:20:28 PM »
I grew up with non-metric units, but I've got so used to litres and kilos that I get confused by gallons and pounds now, especially when an Imperial gallon (UK) is not the same as an American gallon.

Americans also use quarts, which UK seldom did. I believe when we joined the EEC we were supposed to gradually switch to metric units, although we were to be allowed to continue to measure beer and milk in pints.

Some other old measurements persist: Furlongs are still used in horse-racing, of course, and a cricket pitch is still 22 yards (or one chain) in length. Not forgetting the good old 'yard of ale'.

MK

pat

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1982 on: October 26, 2013, 09:37:52 PM »
I grew up with non-metric units, too, but I still have to mentally convert them. For example, 35cm means nothing to me until I roughly convert it into inches. I have a pedometer app on my iPod which tells me how many kilometres I've walked and I have to convert them to miles before they mean anything.

I can remember having to learn the charts by heart at school: 16 ounces to a pound, 14 pounds to a stone, 2 stones to a quarter, 4 quarters to a hundredweight, 20 hundredweight to a ton. Sighs nostalgically.

Gaye Christine

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1983 on: October 26, 2013, 11:16:59 PM »
... especially when an Imperial gallon (UK) is not the same as an American gallon.

I had no idea, so thanks mkenuk!!  I just went into a website and converted 1 litre (we only use metric in South Africa) and I see pints, quarts and gallons are all different for British and US measurements.  I actually always thought a quart was 2 litres but now see a bit more than 1 litre.  The more you learn ;D

TRex

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1984 on: October 27, 2013, 04:02:52 PM »
Speaking of non-metric: which two countries besides the U.S. do not use the metric system? (Who knows without researching?)

Answer: Liberia and Myanmar (Burma). (Isn't the U.S. in good company?)

mkenuk

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1985 on: October 27, 2013, 05:34:00 PM »
Burma / Myanmar will probably be forced to go fully metric in a year or two due to new ASEAN regulations, although in neighbouring Thailand some vestiges of the old non-decimal systems remain; some kinds of cloth are still sold by the yard, in the markets many small items are sold by the dozen, and the inch (measured with the finger) is still a popular (though unofficial) unit.

Still on the subject, are there any countries which have a non-decimal system of currency? UK 'went decimal' in 1971 as I remember, and we were one of the last.

MK

 

Gaye Christine

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1986 on: October 28, 2013, 03:35:04 PM »
Still on the subject, are there any countries which have a non-decimal system of currency? UK 'went decimal' in 1971 as I remember, and we were one of the last.

Mauritania and Madagascar

a non-amos

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1987 on: October 31, 2013, 02:30:26 PM »
This last week I had the rare opportunity to use a sailing joke.  This one is better when pronounced.

Had you heard about the old sailor who got a butt transplant?

Now he has a foreign aft.

- A
Carpe digitus.
(Roughly translated, this is possibly the world's oldest "pull my finger" joke)

TRex

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1988 on: November 01, 2013, 01:33:44 AM »
Since we have a lot of people here from Oz, I thought I'd share this (no offence intended):


(But what does this say about Tasmania?)

a non-amos

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1989 on: November 21, 2013, 04:06:12 PM »
a talented cat?

This Sunday afternoon our band got together to practice in my dining room.  We got to the end of a familiar Irish tune and stopped. The music continued at a low volume after we had stopped.

This transitioned into another tune, and some debate ensued.  We tried to identify the second tune, to no avail.

Eventually we were curious about where the music was coming from.  I did some poking around and got back with the group.  I told them, "Don't worry about it; it's just one of the cats."

I know, this brings up bad memories of cats meowing tunes on YouTube.  This was not that; it was strictly instrumental and not vocal.

Sue asked if our cat normally played Celtic music, so I had to respond "No, he normally plays either classical or jazz."

In our basement we have a motion detector rigged to a radio.  Whenever we go down there to do laundry or whatever, we have music.  One of our cats has recently adopted the habit of going down there to trip the sensor, play some music, and take a nap.

The radio is tuned to WVTF (our local station for National Public Radio), so it normally plays classical during the day and jazz in the evening.  On Sunday afternoon their "Thistle and Shamrock" program plays Celtic music.

Cheers!
Carpe digitus.
(Roughly translated, this is possibly the world's oldest "pull my finger" joke)

pat

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1990 on: January 14, 2014, 09:37:38 PM »
It didn't take long and it was predictable:



Q. What do you get if you cross the English cricket team with an OXO cube?
A. A laughing stock.
 
Q What is the height of optimism?
A: English batsman putting on sunscreen.
 
Q. What is the difference between an English batsman and a Formula 1 car?
A. Nothing! If you blink you will miss them both.
 
Q. What do English batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
 
Q. What does an English batsman who is playing in The Ashes have in common with Michael Jackson?
A.They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.
 
Q. What is the difference between Cinderella and the Pommies?
A. Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.
 
Q. What's the difference between the Pommies and a funeral director?
A. A funeral director isn't going to lose the ashes.

 

 

Gaye Christine

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1991 on: January 29, 2014, 01:51:17 AM »
A few puns  ;D

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it....
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
When chemists die, apparently they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!

birdy

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1992 on: April 27, 2014, 01:33:30 PM »
I'll just post the link, since this is quite a long document. I laughed until I cried over some of these:

"21 Kids Who Got the Answer Wrong"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/04/25/funny-homework-answers_n_4914168.html

pat

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1993 on: April 27, 2014, 05:44:31 PM »
Thanks, birdy. That got my day off to a good start!

bobbi

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1994 on: April 29, 2014, 09:07:55 AM »
Thanks Birdy from me too - loads of chuckles in there.

When I was 7, I wrote a short essay about my Mum at school and I said that she had knobbly knees (largely because we had been doing words with a silent K in spelling that week and this concept fascinated me.) My Mum was outraged and never let me forget it.  :laugh: