Author Topic: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!  (Read 642921 times)

roberts

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1770 on: February 03, 2010, 11:08:12 PM »
...way to go Pat...let 'er rip

 8)

Steadyguy

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1771 on: February 07, 2010, 06:28:39 AM »
Wonderful tale Pat!!!
Diem Carpe et Amplexa.
(Roughly translated means 'Don't just seize the day HUG IT!)

technomc

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1772 on: February 10, 2010, 11:45:10 PM »
Pat, you old fart, that was very funny... :-R

birdy

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1773 on: February 23, 2010, 04:53:07 PM »
And for those who like cats - or even don't like cats, but may recognize cats they've known:

http://www.simonscat.com/  - some nice cartoons.

Steadyguy

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1774 on: February 23, 2010, 10:34:53 PM »
Pat, I am still chuckling over your story!!! You really hit my funny bone with it!!!!!
Diem Carpe et Amplexa.
(Roughly translated means 'Don't just seize the day HUG IT!)

pat

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1775 on: February 23, 2010, 10:50:55 PM »
These are brilliant, birdy. The last snippet gives an indication of the time and effort that goes into producing a cartoon. I'm so impressed by the talented people who dream up, draw and then animate such things.

Have a look at this:

http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs13/f/2007/077/2/e/Animator_vs__Animation_by_alanbecker.swf

Just hit 'Play' and then watch it. It's amazing.

Linda

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1776 on: February 24, 2010, 12:23:41 AM »
Very, very clever, Pat! 

Birdy, I have seen the Simon's cat cartoons before and think they're just brilliant ...  >:D

birdy

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1777 on: February 24, 2010, 09:33:57 AM »

birdy

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1778 on: March 20, 2010, 04:59:38 AM »
Threeb posted this a couple of years ago, but for those of you dealing with newly or about to be teenagers, this might be a useful reminder.  Just remember, cats take up less room.


Teenagers & Cats

Why teenagers have a lot in common with cats:

1. Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them
by name.

2. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all
human efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the
privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

3. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an
adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager
in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his
or her parents.

4. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat
nor your teen will ever crack a smile.

5. No cat or teenager shares your taste in music.

6. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours
on end without moving, barely breathing.

7. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

8. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner,
communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of
complete and utter boredom.

9. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.

10. Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known
to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal
in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.

Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are
not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to
keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times.

And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any
sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds,
they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and
it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.

birdy

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1779 on: March 20, 2010, 05:05:26 AM »
And while I'm on the subject...


Quiz For Cats

Your human walks into the kitchen.
Does this mean?
a) It's hungry
b) It's lost
c) You're hungry
d) Let the begging begin

Your human puts down a bowl of food for you.
Is this?
a) Supper
b) Something s/he obviously wouldn't eat
c) Something to keep you going till supper's ready
d) Inedible junk to be scorned in favor of what the humans eat

Your human removes you from the top of the television.
Does this mean?
a) You're in trouble - better not do it again
b) Nothing - humans do this from time to time
c) The human wants to play, so climb up again to amuse it
d) It is time to chew on the cable wire again

Staircases are for:
a) Getting up to the human's bed at 4am
b) Lying in wait in the dark at the top of
c) Walking down just slower than the human (and in front of it)
d) All of the above

Your human talks/yells at you. You should:
a) Listen intently, even if you don't understand
b) Meow in acknowledgment and continue what you were doing
c) Ignore him/her completely; you're a cat, they mean nothing
d) Move on to the next annoying activity to encourage their
talking behavior

Phone and electrical cords and strings from fabrics are:
a) Important to humans and should be left alone
b) Playthings and deserve your total attention; no matter what
damage may result
c) Annoying and should be removed immediately

Birds, small rodents and large bugs should be:
a) Ignored (especially if your human wants them removed)
b) Played with until they stop playing
c) Presented to your human as a proud trophy
d) Hidden under your human's pillow for safe keeping
e) Consumed for their nutritional value

A human giving you a bath should be considered:
a) Under no circumstances
b) Under no circumstances
c) Under no circumstances
d) An act of war
e) All of the above

Your human's value is limited to:
a) Providing food
b) Providing water
c) Letting you out
d) Providing opposite-gender feline companionship
e) Leaving you alone
f) All of the above; if properly trained

technomc

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1780 on: March 27, 2010, 12:03:05 AM »
Brilliant..............

pat

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1781 on: April 15, 2010, 12:00:45 AM »
How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

 

How To Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohican.

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.


technomc

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1782 on: April 15, 2010, 10:10:51 PM »
Absoluteljky favtastic..i csnr srr vert well for larfing so muchg...thankjsa....

pat

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1783 on: April 16, 2010, 03:08:24 AM »
Spanish Computer


A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;   

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.



The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
 
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.
 

birdy

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Re: Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!
« Reply #1784 on: April 16, 2010, 12:23:05 PM »
Good ones, Pat!