Forumites changing light bulbs -- a humorous thread!

[biggerbirdbrain]

Hear No Evil, See No Evil...

On a really hot day, four nuns were assigned to paint a room in their church. After sweating for a few hours in those black robes, they decided to take off all their clothes and paint naked.

An hour later, someone knocked on the door of the church.

"Who is it?" they called out.

"I'm the blind man," came the reply.

The nuns decided to let him in since he wouldn't be able to see them.

They opened the door and led him to the room they were painting.

They were surprised when he walked around the room with no difficulty.

"Okay, sisters," he said, "where do you want the blinds?"

[birdy]

Binks, this may be another example of divergence in the language.  Most of that recipe is familiar, but I use sodium chloride instead of halide.

[bobbi]

as long as it's iodised, that's the main thing 

[Binkie]

You mean you actually understood it ??  I'm impressed !

[bobbi]

Ever seen the chemical formula for zucchini? Enough to scare you off eating veggies ever again!
Recipe was cute, but reasonably easily decoded.
Funny though, thanks for posting it Binks.

[biggerbirdbrain]

Try not to look at photo til you have read the scientific article!

 

 
 STRESS


I  am not sure exactly how this works, but this is amazingly accurate.

The  picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case
study on  stress levels at  the Mayo Clinic and later at Fletcher Medical
Center in Burlington

Look  at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical.
A  closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact
that  the dolphins are identical, a person under stress will find many
differences  between the two dolphins .

The  more differences a person finds, the more stress that person is
experiencing.

Look  at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you
may  need to take a vacation.

No  Need to Reply, I'll be on Vacation


Never  take life seriously.

Nobody gets out of it alive anyway.

[birdy]

I must be stressed out - the one on the right seems to be a different color from the one on the left.  Please excuse me while I go self-medicate - I think chocolate is a cure for stress.

[greenone]

Birdy, got this email today at work and was going to respond to the person who sent it to me exactly as you did!!!!

Yep - the colour is different.  And apart from that?

Isn't the www.blah blah a wonderful thing 

[biggerbirdbrain]

I'm not sure that's the right web address, geo --

However, to cheer myself up, I did find this little bit of humour:

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road - Part Two...

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth?' That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released e-Chicken2007< /B>(c), which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ...reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens

[Binkie]

(This only works if you pronounce his name to rhyme with "no" !)

                 Van Gogh


His dizzy aunt-----------------------Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes-----------Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store
----Stop an Gogh

The grandfather from Yugoslavia-------U Gogh

The cousin from Illinois------------- Chica Gogh

His magician uncle--------------Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin------------------- A mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American half-brother
----Ring Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach------Wells-far Gogh

The constipated uncle----------------- Cant Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt------------- Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle----------------Flaming Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst---------------- E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin-----------------Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking
----- Way-to Gogh

The little bouncy nephew--------------- Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco--------------- Go Gogh

And his niece who traveled the country in a van
-----Winnie Bay Gogh

[Binkie]

Count Dracula is on the pull in Glasgow. He spends the night drinking Bloody Marys in various clubs and biting on unsuspecting women's necks.

He's heading for home, along Argyle Street sometime before dawn. Suddenly he's hit on the back of the head. He looks round and sees nothing. He looks down and sees a small sausage roll. Mmmm, he thinks. What's going on here?

A few yards further on and........BANG. Smacked on the back of the head again! He whirls round as quick as he can - nothing. Again he looks down and there's a small triangular sandwich lying on the ground. How odd!

A few more yards further along the street and........crash. Smacked on the back of the head yet again! He whirls round as quick as he can - nothing. He's getting really angry now. Again he looks down and there's a cocktail sausage lying on the ground. He stands and peers into the darkness of the night. Nothing.

He walks a few yards further along again when he gets a tap on the shoulder. With a swirl of his cape and a cloud of mist he turns as fast as he can. He feels a sharp pain in his heart. He falls to the ground clutching his chest, which is punctured by a small cocktail stick laden with a chunk of cheese and a pickled onion. On the ground dying, he looks up and sees a young female. With his dying breath he gasps, "Who the hell are you?"

Wait for it...

Are you ready?...


Brace yourself...


This'll make your day...

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... "BUFFET, the vampire slayer."

[biggerbirdbrain]

Uh, oh ... that's getting reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaly bad! But I did chuckle ... thanks, dear binks -- you're always good for a daily giggle here!

[technomc]

...a loud chortle from me Binx...

[Binkie]

I do my best, dear friends.....

[technomc]

A very good best it is too, thanks.