Author Topic: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)  (Read 814470 times)

ridethetalk

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7230 on: November 27, 2021, 03:41:04 PM »
 :D :D :D

Laugh out loud funny Jack - those headlines were great and I could imagine Sheila flying off the deep end when provided with her test results (I wonder how often this has happened IRL...)
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Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7231 on: November 28, 2021, 03:08:19 AM »
Quote
It is definitely drying up – only 2.5 mm (0.1 inches) in the gauge this morning.  Before we know it, we will be in the middle of a drought.

Hi Jack

Please to hear your weather's drying up but really hope you don't get a drought.  Unfortunately,  it's still bitterly cold here. The wind is raw :(  Popped out to get a paper this morning & got caught in a heavy downpour.  Luckily rain & no snow!  Just had to go out again to get an MRI scan on my dodgy knee.  Bit of a busman's holiday :laugh:

I totally agree with John.  Your post was laugh out loud funny :laugh:  Those headlines were a great find!

A quick & easy rebus.  It's a book from the 1950's which was made into a film.

#3 #4 #2 #4


Please ignore the bottle of fizz in the first picture & lose the first letter of the third picture. You need to shorten the first name of the gent in picture four.

         

Two old dears, Ethel & Hilda, were outside their old folks home having a smoke, when it started to rain. Hilda pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Ethel: What's that?
Hilda: A condom.
Ethel: Where'd you get it?
Hilda: You can get them at any chemist.
The next day, Ethel hobbled into the local Boots and told the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a packet of condoms.
The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she was, after all, in her 80s), but politely asked what brand she preferred.
"It doesn't matter" she replied "as long as it fits a camel!"

Leave you with a silly joke ;D
« Last Edit: November 28, 2021, 03:10:06 AM by Hobbit »
If life gives you lemons, add a large gin & some tonic...

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7232 on: November 28, 2021, 12:15:58 PM »
Hi Pen,

I am not too worried about going into a drought.  One of the forecasts I read predicted we might have the wettest summer on record.

I loved Ethel and Hilda.



Me: "Where were you born?"
Blue: "New South Wales."
Me: "Which part?"
Blue: "All of me."

Blue and Sheila’s Grandkids were visiting.  The grandson asks him, “Pop, how many kinds of boobs are there?” Blue taken by surprise, answers, “Well, mate, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” his grandson asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.”

This infuriated Sheila and the granddaughter. The granddaughter asks, “Gran, how many different kinds of willies are there?” Sheila smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the granddaughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”


 


Regards, Jack

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7233 on: November 28, 2021, 01:10:06 PM »
Regards, Jack

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7234 on: November 29, 2021, 01:52:40 AM »
Hi Jack

Another cracking, laugh out loud post :laugh:  Loved it :-*

I bought some Christmas cards yesterday & they're now sitting on the sideboard glowering at me.  I need to start writing them but just can't raise any enthusiasm :(  & the cost of stamps, even second class, is ridiculous!  Barbs bought two books of first class stamps last week (24) & they cost her best part of twenty quid  :-R  Anyway I decided to do a post & leave the card writing for the moment.

A quick rebus for you.  It's a Tom Clancy novel that was also made into a film.
#5 #3 #7 #6


          

Leave you with a silly brain teaser ;D
A man pushes his car to a hotel & tells the owner he's bankrupt.  Why?
If life gives you lemons, add a large gin & some tonic...

Linda

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7235 on: November 29, 2021, 02:28:24 AM »
Quote
I need to start writing them but just can't raise any enthusiasm

Perhaps a large glass of pink will help, Pen!  Writing might be illegible but worth the risk. 

We have had quite a bit of snow here today - very cold and I've not ventured out at all as not too happy walking in icy conditions.  Doing a roast chicken for tea, few (lot) roast spuds and some carrot and swede mash!  That should warm me up until it's time for something dry, white and cold to cool me down again!!  >:D

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7236 on: November 29, 2021, 06:12:53 AM »
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Perhaps a large glass of pink will help, Pen!  Writing might be illegible but worth the risk. 

Might give it a try Linda!  Problem is my writing's fairly illegible without any help from the pink stuff :laugh:

Your roast chicken sounds absolutely scrumptious - very jealous!  My jacket spud was ok & filled a hole :)

I don't blame you for not going out when it's snowy & icy.  Not worth the risk.  It was gorgeous here this morning - cold but very sunny & bright.  A nightmare for driving but lovely for walking.  Sun went in & it when from quite chilly to bloody freezing in the space of about an hour.  Was about to say I'm grateful we haven't got any snow when I received a message from Zoe saying it's been snowing but stopped now.  I missed it :-R  It's less than half an inch.  Here's hoping we don't get any more.

You can enjoy a few glasses of something chilled & white this evening (in the company of Inspector Barnaby or Chief Superintendent Foyle >:D) safe in the knowledge that you can snuggle down in bed in the morning & forget all about the ice & snow :)

« Last Edit: November 29, 2021, 06:17:22 AM by Hobbit »
If life gives you lemons, add a large gin & some tonic...

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7237 on: November 29, 2021, 03:19:27 PM »
Hi Pen,

I got my ultrasound and blood test results back this morning.  Going teetotal for a fortnight did the trick.  My doctor was impressed that the blood tests showed my liver results were only half as bad as they were three weeks ago.  The bad news is that I committed to three alcohol-free days a week and to be retested in three months.

Blue tried to use Beefstew as a password but apparently, it was not stroganoff.

Blue got a job painting the parson’s garage. He gave into temptation and he watered down the paint and made it thinner so he didn't use so much paint. The Parson caught him at it and told him to repaint and thin no more
 

 

My rebus is a hypothetical book by Frances Neer.

#8  3  #7    #7

The definite article is not pictured.
Picture 2.  You know Johnny

     






Regards, Jack

Ozzyjack

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Regards, Jack

Linda

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7239 on: November 29, 2021, 08:58:14 PM »
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You can enjoy a few glasses of something chilled & white this evening (in the company of Inspector Barnaby or Chief Superintendent Foyle >:D) safe in the knowledge that you can snuggle down in bed in the morning & forget all about the ice & snow

You know me so well, Pen.  That's exactly what I did!  Had a lateish night and rolled out of my snug bed only about 45 mins ago.  Still fair bit of snow hanging around and no sparkly sun to accompany it.  It looks very cold outside but what do I care?  >:D  Won't be so smug tomorrow and Wednesday when I'm getting up in the dark and coming home in the dark.   :(

Take care on the roads (and pavements) - hope you've got a delicious and calorific lunch to see you through the day.  >:D

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7240 on: November 29, 2021, 11:13:07 PM »
Thanks Linda :)  I'm very jealous of you today! It wasn't much fun scraping a solid lump of frozen snow off my car at 7 this morning :(  Very cold here too & not a drop of sunshine in sight.  However, in about 20 minutes I will be enjoying a ham & egg sarnie :-H  The egg is, of course, bashed up with our preferred condiment :)  Is it soup for you today?

Hopefully it will be warmed up a bit by the time you have to turf out in the dark tomorrow morning.
If life gives you lemons, add a large gin & some tonic...

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7241 on: November 29, 2021, 11:17:50 PM »
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I got my ultrasound and blood test results back this morning.  Going teetotal for a fortnight did the trick.  My doctor was impressed that the blood tests showed my liver results were only half as bad as they were three weeks ago.  The bad news is that I committed to three alcohol-free days a week and to be retested in three months.


That's great news Jack :)  Three alcohol-free days a week is a better compromise than seven alcohol free days >:D

Off to lunch :-H  Hopefully I'll be back a bit later!
If life gives you lemons, add a large gin & some tonic...

Linda

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7242 on: November 29, 2021, 11:43:19 PM »
Mushroom soup and toast.  Not v. exciting, I'm afraid. 

I didn't know there was such a time as 7 in the morning, Pen!  I'm quite lucky in that the office is only about a five minute walk from home and I don't have to get up until 7.40.  Quick shower, slap on some make-up, slurp of coffee, handful of Bran Flakes and pineapple and out the door and in by 9!  Job sorted!  >:D

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7243 on: November 30, 2021, 12:24:59 AM »
I'm doubly jealous now Linda :laugh:  How lucky to be able to lie in until 7.40 & have only a five minute walk to work :)
If life gives you lemons, add a large gin & some tonic...

Linda

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #7244 on: November 30, 2021, 12:55:29 AM »
... and it's all down hill!  >:D >:D