Author Topic: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)  (Read 308998 times)

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4725 on: September 14, 2020, 04:48:40 AM »
Quote
Is that serendipity?

Hi Jack

It's been a beautiful day here & I've been fairly lazy!  I've noticed that the nights are really drawing in now.  I've had to put the light on to see my keyboard & it's only 7.30 :(

      

Going to try & prod my brain cell into action then find a film to watch with a small tipple >:D

« Last Edit: September 14, 2020, 04:50:33 AM by Hobbit »

mkenuk

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4726 on: September 14, 2020, 08:08:18 AM »


,,,,,but man with hole in two pockets not feel too cocky all day!

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4727 on: September 15, 2020, 12:32:04 AM »
Hi Pen,

Girl Power
girl power 2

I am hiding in the room where I keep my computer hoping I don't wake Bonnie otherwise all hell will break loose.

Some more Confucius

Confucius say, virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone
Confucius say, man who do business in whore house get jerked around
Confucius say, gypsies got no babies because gypsies have crystal balls
Confucius say, panties not best thing on earth, but next to it
Confucius say, war not determine who right. War determine who left
Confucius say, woman who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house
Confucius say, man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night
Confucius say, it take many nail to build crib, one screw to fill it
Confucius say, man who keep feet on ground have trouble putting on pants


Cheers, Jack


“For fools rush in where angels fear to tread" - Alexander Pope in his 1711 poem 'An Essay on Criticism.”

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4728 on: September 15, 2020, 02:42:20 AM »
Great clips Jack.  She's a very cute bundle of energy :)  I have to admit I did chuckle at the thought of you creeping round the house in the night trying not to disturb Bonnie :laugh:  Mind you in my slightly warped brain you were dressed in a night cap & carrying a candle >:D  No idea why that strange image popped into my head!  It's all this relaxing I'm doing!!

Confucius tickled me :laugh:

         
  best I could do :laugh:
Leave you with a small random selection!

Off to the kitchen for a rootle about in the fridge to see what I can find :-H

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4729 on: September 15, 2020, 02:44:43 AM »
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,,,,,but man with hole in two pockets not feel too cocky all day!

Love it Mike :laugh:

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4730 on: September 16, 2020, 02:12:55 AM »
 Hi Pen,

I was a bit keen to get back to bed yesterday (Tuesday) and lucked onto a site with a hundred joke Confucius sayings.  On looking back, I wish I hadn’t taken the easy way out.  Over 90% of them are not clever and not really funny.

 After two days in succession playing with Dusty, Bonnie was knacked and spent a lot of yesterday snoozing.  But she has been alert and restless overnight, so I am not game to don my Ebenezer Nightcap and try to creep past Her to get to the computer.

So I will do a short post on the iPad.

I asked Blue whether his son always stutters. He replied, “only when he wants to say something“.

Blue asked me If I would fight a dinosaur.   I asked him if he thought I was crazy.  Of course not.   Blue said,”Good choice, cause you'd get jurass kicked”.

A guy walks into a pharmacy: "I have extreme headaches, my belly cramps, I feel like I'm about to vomit and my back hurts like something tears the muscles apart. Do you have something?" - Pharmacists: "Nope, I feel fine."

« Last Edit: September 16, 2020, 05:44:16 PM by Ozzyjack »
Cheers, Jack


“For fools rush in where angels fear to tread" - Alexander Pope in his 1711 poem 'An Essay on Criticism.”

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4731 on: September 16, 2020, 05:13:30 AM »
Quote

Over 90% of them are not clever and not really funny.

After two days in succession playing with Dusty, Bonnie was knacked and spent a lot of yesterday snoozing.  But she has been alert and restless overnight, so I am not game to don my Ebenezer Nightcap and try to creep past Her to get to the computer.


I do know what you mean Jack.  Although I found the one about the man who keeps his feet on the ground having trouble putting on his pants funny.

Isn't having Bonnie a bit like having a toddler?  Aren't they supposed to get worn out in the day so they sleep at night? :laugh:

It's been very hot & extremely muggy here today.  We seem to be having something of an Indian Summer.  I think I definitely picked the right week off though I would like it a little cooler!

James Bond gets in the jacuzzi.  Bubble 07!

I found a box of frozen fish in the street the other day...
I was going to hand them to the Police, but then I decided it was a case of Findus kippers!

I was walking in a jungle the other day when I saw a lizard standing on his hind legs telling jokes.
I turned to a local tribesman & said "that lizard's really funny".
The tribesman replied "He's not a lizard.  He's a stand up chameleon!"

As of next week the Seven Dwarfs have been told they can only meet in groups of six.  One of them isn't Happy!

Leave you with a few naff jokes ;D

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4732 on: September 16, 2020, 09:03:00 PM »
Hi Pen,

I liked your jokes particularly the one about the vertically challenged gentlemen.

Bonnie had another visit from Dusty today, so I hope she is tired out tonight.  She goes to her first session of puppy pre-school tomorrow.

   

 Blue's  five-year old grandson is learning to read

Yesterday he pointed at a picture in a zoo book and said, "Look at this! It's a frickin' elephant!"

Blue took a  deep breath, then asked..."What did you call it?"

"It's a frickin' elephant! It says so on the picture!"

And so it does. " A f r i c a n Elephant "



These are genuine clips from council complaint letters:
    1.      My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
    2.       He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
    3.       It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow.
    4.       I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
    5.       And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
    6.       I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
    7.       My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
    8.       I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
    9.      Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it, yesterday, and now she is pregnant           
    10.     I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 
    11.     50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
    12.     The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
    13.     Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
    14.     This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC 2.

I hope Bonnie is asleep.


Cheers, Jack


“For fools rush in where angels fear to tread" - Alexander Pope in his 1711 poem 'An Essay on Criticism.”

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4733 on: September 17, 2020, 02:38:16 AM »
Hi Jack

I'm only firing on one cylinder this afternoon!  My neighbours took me for a lovely walk to Rushmere Park this morning with their dog Lucki.  It's a beautiful area near Leighton Buzzard which is a town about a 20 minute drive from here.  I was expecting a bit of walk but after nearly 2 hours I was totally knacked.  Andy said we had down almost 9000 steps :o  We did stop for a cuppa half way round :)  I thoroughly enjoy it but as a desk wallah I think I'm more than a bit out of condition >:D

Anyway enough of my moaning I really loved your post - brilliant.  Especially the clips from council complaint letters - made me really laugh out loud :laugh:  Nearly spat my tea out!!

       

I can't match you today.  My report will say 5/10 must do better :laugh:  I have a chicken & leek pie in the oven & 20 minutes to mow the lawn! Thankfully it's only the size of a postage stamp :)  Wish me luck >:D

les303

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4734 on: September 17, 2020, 06:10:04 PM »
G'day Pen, yes, i agree, the council complaint clips were very funny.
Makes you wonder if any of the complainants actually proof read their letters before sending them off.
Mind you, i've been guilty of the same thing with a lot of my posts on the forum.

Your Ben Stokes cartoon reminded me of the recently completed series.
I don't normally worry too much about the " hit & giggle " stuff but have been starved of any international cricket involving Australia so i watched all the T20's & the one day series.
I found it enthralling & very entertaining. (even without the barmy army )
Both sides are currently so very evenly matched that just about every game could have went either way.
I think that over all we could probably call it a draw, just a shame that they won't be playing any test matches.

You should have settled for leek pie & had the chicken mow the the lawn.




Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4735 on: September 17, 2020, 09:32:58 PM »
Hi Pen,

Snap!  the last two nights I have had chicken, leek, and Pea Traybake a la Nigella Lawson.  Andrew put June onto the recipe in an effort to make me eat healthier food compatible with a diet I must go on to lose weight.

I can empathise with your feet after your walk and your lack of fitness.  Did you have your cuppa in the tree tops café? 

I went to the doctor on Monday to transfer my medical records, set up a relationship with a doctor that was recommended, and to get some prescriptions.  Inevitably the conversation got around to weight, Blood Pressure, fitness and alcohol.   I admitted that I had put on 7 Kg since March, had completely lost the fitness I had through not playing golf and being a homebody because of COVID.  I might have been a little conservative in measuring the amount of alcohol I drink, and I think he was a wake up to that.  The upshot was he gave me some blood tests to have done and told me to come back within a month to review a plan for getting onto a healthier lifestyle.

I have been so distracted with things lately that I didn’t even realise we were playing a series against England.  I’ll leave it to the expert (Les) to comment and I see he has made a good start. 

Bonnie seemed to enjoy Puppy School this morning, but she acted up a bit when she found she was not allowed to play (wrestle) with the other pups.

     

A lawyer invites his cousin from the Czech Republic to come and stay with him in Canada. The Czech cousin arrives, determined to enjoy himself. Soon they decide to go rambling. They're right out in the middle of the forest when a big grizzly bear appears. The bear hugs the poor Czech cousin to death and then eats him. The lawyer runs to the nearest village and tells everybody what has happened. The villagers form a search party and return to the forest. They come across some bears and ask the lawyer to identify the one that killed his cousin. 'It's that male bear over there.' They kill the bear and rip open his stomach, but there is nothing there. They decide to kill the female bear nearby, and when they rip open her stomach, they find the poor Czech cousin. So it all goes to show: 'Never trust a lawyer when he says the cheque is in the mail.'

« Last Edit: September 17, 2020, 09:35:33 PM by Ozzyjack »
Cheers, Jack


“For fools rush in where angels fear to tread" - Alexander Pope in his 1711 poem 'An Essay on Criticism.”

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4736 on: September 18, 2020, 01:23:01 AM »
Quote

Snap!  the last two nights I have had chicken, leek, and Pea Traybake a la Nigella Lawson.  Andrew put June onto the recipe in an effort to make me eat healthier food compatible with a diet I must go on to lose weight.

I can empathise with your feet after your walk and your lack of fitness.  Did you have your cuppa in the tree tops café? 

I have been so distracted with things lately that I didn’t even realise we were playing a series against England.  I’ll leave it to the expert (Les) to comment and I see he has made a good start. 

Bonnie seemed to enjoy Puppy School this morning, but she acted up a bit when she found she was not allowed to play (wrestle) with the other pups.


How Do Jack

Another cracking post - I especially loved the "cheque" joke :laugh:  You're in tip top form in spite of your restricted food intake >:D
I have to own up that I made my chicken & leek pie a bit like a shepherd's pie.  The top was smothered in buttery mashed spud & finished off with cheese :-H  Not very condusive to your healthy eating!!

The Tree Tops Cafe was closed but they had a hatch for takeaway & benches & tables outside where we sat & enjoyed our cuppa.

I haven't been able to watch all the cricket but have enjoyed some of the matches.  I'll respond to Les in a little while :)

I did have to chuckle at the thought of Bonnie trying to wrestle all the other puppies into submission :laugh:  Is Dusty attending the same class?

Here's a few puns to make you groan ;D
I meant to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.
What do you call a piece of toast at the zoo? Bread in captivity.
Never lie to a radiographer - they can see right through you.
You’re becoming a vegetarian? I think that’s a big missed steak.
My fear of moving stairs is escalating.

       

I do hope all your tests come back ok.  I'm sure you'll soon get yourself fit again.  Once you start walking Bonnie & golfing regularly you'll soon notice a difference.  I don't have any excuse for my lack of fitness other than laziness & being a greedy pig >:D  Love my grub!  I do enjoy walking but sometimes find it hard to motivate myself.  I have enjoyed much more walking while I've been on leave.



Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4737 on: September 18, 2020, 01:52:28 AM »
Quote

Mind you, i've been guilty of the same thing with a lot of my posts on the forum.

I found it enthralling & very entertaining. (even without the barmy army )
Both sides are currently so very evenly matched that just about every game could have went either way.
I think that over all we could probably call it a draw, just a shame that they won't be playing any test matches.

You should have settled for leek pie & had the chicken mow the the lawn.

G'day to you Les

I did have a chuckle :laugh:  You not reading your posts before posting?  Perish the thought >:D

It was a great series & as you say very evenly matched.  It was a pity there was no crowd.  I hated seeing all those empty seats - especially as I could have been occupying one!  Some colleagues & I had tickets for a day at Edgbaston to watch the Windies in June.  Needless to say it was cancelled :(  I have (I hope!) attached a picture for your amusement :laugh:  It was from a visit to Trent Bridge last year.  I look for all the world like I'm trying to catch the ball!  My neighbours were at home watching on the telly & were tickled that I appeared on the big screen ;D

Perhaps I should keep the chicken in the pie & get a goat to keep the grass short instead

Pen



cmh

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4738 on: September 18, 2020, 03:40:37 AM »
As you have probably gathered Jack I have had the pleasure of a few dogs in my life. Only with one of them did I try attending training classes. Puppy socialisation classes were not known then and I am sure they are a great idea (indeed  I wish my current cocker had been socialised with other dogs more by her first owner) My two visits to classes were about 25 years ago with my 6 month old Labrador (who was as is usual with me 2nd hand!) The man who ran the classes was more concerned at the first session with me calling Oscar a golden lab when strictly speaking he was a yellow lab! At the second class the man actually smacked (literally!) my hands for holding the lead in a manner he said was unacceptable!! When I got a bit upset about that Oscar picked up on that and headed for the nearest table and hid under it pulling me with him. When I sat there for a bit comforting the poor pup I was told that spoiling the dog in that way was going to cause major problems.I often wish that I had gone back a few years later and demonstrated the superb temperament and intuition that Oscar had for when his people were upset or ill.I have loved all 8 of my dogs but Oscar was probably THE one out of them all. Typical Lab. Mad as a hatter when young but Mr Sensible/Sensitive when mature. He was especially good with my Dad. He had helped with the early months of training post hand smacking and when a number of years later he sadly succumbed to Alzheimers Oscar was so good with him. I am sure that training classes have moved on immensely since then and you will enjoy them and Bonnie will benefit greatly once she realises that there is work time and there is play time! All good fun!!

les303

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4739 on: September 18, 2020, 01:20:46 PM »
That's a cracking picture Pen & i have every confidence that, given the opportunity, you would have comfortably taken the catch.

Great idea about getting a goat to keep the grass down but given your penchant for pies i am just a bit concerned as to how long he would last before he also ended up in the oven.