More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)

[Ozzyjack]

It's funny some days I find stuff quite easily & then others as you say it's much harder to find material that is worth posting.

Hi Pen,

I know exactly what you mean – it’s either feast or famine – a bit like my golf.  In the past, I have tended to make longer posts on the “feast” days and shorter posts on the “famine” days.  I try hard not to use repeat material or put rubbish in to fill up the space.  Rubbish of course is in the eye of the beholder, so I won’t  always be seen to succeed.  In future, on “feast” days, I will store some material for the “famine” days.

That was a great puzzle, Pen.  If it hadn’t been for Google Image I never would have twigged the name of the motorbike.

This is a good write up on the first part

Here is a write-up of the second part.

Sounds like you will need to put a cover over your windscreen at night for a few months.

Blue likes to demonstrate how an Ocker can also be a cosmopolitan and this is one of his favourite stories.

During the collapse of the USSR, there were shortages everywhere – and they were using a coal fired locomotive to escape to the West.  They didn’t have much fuel, and they were traveling on a dark and storm night, because who knew how long the border would be open.
 
“We can’t go much further,” the fireman told the engineer. “We’re down to running on the heat from the coals.”  The engineer asked the fireman to fetch the porter.
 
“You’re from around here, aren’t you?”  The porter nodded.  “You know where we could buy some coal?”
 
“My uncle runs a coal yard.  He owes me a favor.”  The engineer asked where the coal yard was.  “I think we’re a couple of miles from there.  He’s right close to the train station.”
 
“Which station would that be?”  “Well,” the porter said, “they called it Danzig before WWII, when they charged the name back to Gdansk, but the locals keep tearing down the new sign that covers the name painted directly on the station, so it could be either one.”
 
They could see they were approaching a community in the infrequent lightning bolts, so the engineer sent the fireman to hang over the railing at the front of the locomotive with an oil lantern, and try to read what the station house said.
 
As they got close, the engineer shouted, “What’s it say?”
 
“Hard to tell, but I think it’s DANZIG IN THE DARK”
 
So the engineer jerked on the brakes, and yelled, “Buy coal, porter!”

       


I”ll leave you with this one  8,6,4,2,5

 2    

 

[Hobbit]

Hi Jack

I liked the explanations of my previous puzzle.  Especially knuckle down!  I was going to use a picture of a bullet from a gun but I thought that might make it far too easy   I found the motorbike by accident.  I'd heard of Royal Enfield but not a bullet!

I loved the joke   I always especially enjoy the play on words jokes and a


Didn't have to scrape my windscreen this morning.  It was a tropical 3c!

     


A couple go to see a film and find that a few seats to their right is a man and his dog. The dog seemed well behaved enough so they didn't call an usher to complain. They watch the movie and notice that during the action scenes, the dog is on the edge of his seat, watching intently. During the the happy scenes, the dog wagged his tail happily. In the sad scenes, the dog would whimper. And in the scary scenes, the dog hid under the seat. When the movie was over, the couple approached the dog owner. The wife said "We can't believe how much your dog enjoyed the movie." The dog's owner replied "Me either. He didn't like the book."

I haven't got your puzzle yet but I will return to it a bit later...meanwhile do you want your martini


Bit miffed I couldn't find Roger Moore as he was my favourite Bond

[Hobbit]

back again...
Is it 'chickens are coming home to roost'?

Nearly home time




You were right - works a treat

[Ozzyjack]

Hi Pen,

Great posts, Pen.  A few write-ups you might be interested in:

Chooks

Long Stories
A man quits his job as a banker.  The pay's amazing, but the hours are far too long, and he just doesn't find the work fulfilling. So he uses all the money he's saved up from the work to buy a small farm near Moss Vale, where he moves to become a farmer.
And right away he loves the work. He loves waking up at 6 am to feed the chickens, he loves choosing which crops to plant where, and when, he loves the peace and quiet he feels way out in the country; but more than anything else he loves the farm vehicles. He's obsessed with his vehicles, subscribing to all the magazines: Tractors monthly, The Combine Harvesters bi-monthly review, The original farm vehicles annual, and many more. His vehicles are all absolutely top of the range, with the most cutting edge accessories money can buy, and he prides himself on it.

And his life continues like this for many years. But eventually, he meets a woman, they decide to have children and, after debating together for a long time, they decide to sell the farm and move back into the suburbs for the sake of the kids. His wife goes to work as a teacher, he works part time in finance, and although this isn't quite as good as the life he's left behind, he's more than happy to bear with it for the children.

A few years later the family's eating out in the son's favourite restaurant, to celebrate his 10th birthday, when a disaster occurs and a small fire starts unnoticed in the kitchen. Within minutes it's totally out of control, and smoke begins to spill under the door, quickly filling up the room. Everyone in the room starts coughing and choking, trying to escape but unsure where the exit is, being disoriented from smoke inhalation. But the man, seeing this, takes a huge breath in: and inhales all the smoke, giving everyone just enough time to escape unharmed before the fire spreads out of kitchen.

When the firemen arrive, they're unable to save to restaurant. But upon seeing that everyone's escaped safely, and hearing what happened from the other customers, the chief fireman goes up to the man and says "Wow! You're a hero, saving all these people and getting everyone out unharmed! But really, how were you able to get rid of all the smoke so easily?"

And the man says "Ah, it's easy! You see, I'm a huge ex-tractor fan"

 

[

[Hobbit]

Morning (evening) Jack

A visit while I'm having a bit of a lull!  It wont last  

Here's a little Robbie Corbett
A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?'

Since the last joke, I'd like to thank all those of you who have written in with suggestions about what I can do with my act, one or two of you with diagrams.

 

[Hobbit]

I managed to cross my post with yours!  I would like to compliment you on a very entertaining post   The shaggy dog tale tickled me  
I will give your puzzle my proper attention later.  Stumped at the moment!
Pen

[Hobbit]

Back again!  Full to the brim with pizza & syrup sponge pudding & custard   Might have difficulty making it from where I'm sitting at the table to my armchair.  Probably gained about a stone


I've revisited your puzzle & got as far as 'a drowning man will...'
I'm not sure what the Easter bunnies are doing so I need a clue please.

I have of course heard you are suffering with bush fires.  Some of the pictures I've seen are terrifying.  My heart goes out to the firefighters having to try & deal with them in that awful scorching temperatures.  The second cartoon was very apt.  The picture you took at the golf club shows exactly how dry everything is.  I saw a clip on the BBC about a lady who took off her T shirt & rescued a koala bear.  He's badly burned but alive in a hospital.  Stupid as it sounds it brought tears to my eyes.  He looked so helpless. I'm a silly soft sod where animals are concerned.

On a lighter note I'm looking forward to my day off tomorrow.  Unfortunately I have to work on Saturday as our weekend lady is still ill. 

Pen

[Ozzyjack]

gotta be really quick.  Gym calls.  If you have a murder of owls, what do you have of chickens?  I haven't got time to try it but if you put what you've got in google it will probably give you the answer.

[whisky]

gotta be really quick.  Gym calls.  If you have a murder of owls, what do you have of chickens?  I haven't got time to try it but if you put what you've got in google it will probably give you the answer.

Chicken dinner ?

I thought that the collective noun for Owls was "Parliament".
Murder could also be a verb !

[Ozzyjack]

Hi Michael,

You are of course right about the owls, it is a Murder of Crows

Truth is confirmed by inspection and delay; falsehood by haste and uncertainty.

[mkenuk]

Not forgetting one of my favourites - 'an ostentation of peacocks'.

[Ozzyjack]

I saw a clip on the BBC about a lady who took off her T shirt & rescued a koala bear.  He's badly burned but alive in a hospital.  Stupid as it sounds it brought tears to my eyes.  He looked so helpless. I'm a silly soft sod where animals are concerned.

Hi Pen,

Not stupid, not silly, not soft, but caring and I think even more of you for it.

But to continue with bad news.  Blue had a bad week.

He got knocked out when some clown threw a large bottle  of Omega-3 tablets at him.  When he came around, he asked the doctor if he was going to be OK.  The doctor said "Yes, you've only suffered super-fish-oil injuries. "


One of his mates told Blue that Sheila was having an affair with a bloke who drank at the local Pub.  So Blue grabbed a gun and went into the pub shouting “Somebody has been messing with my missus and I’m going to deal with them”

“You don’t have enough bullets” said a voice from the back of the room.


   

I am a bit knacked tonight, Pen. so I'll leave it at that.

[Hobbit]

Hi Jack

Got it at last!  'A drowning man will clutch at a straw'   I didn't even have to resort to Mr Google.  Michael's comment about chicken dinner tickled the hell out of me

10 out of 10 for the Blue jokes

I'm chasing my tail today to try & fit everything in!
   



He obviously fell for the sales patter
&
4, 4, 3, 6  easy peasy lemon squeezy!

Got to go & get some petrol!

[Ozzyjack]

23 November 2018

Today is the anniversary of Les303’s last post.  Les was many things but whatever he was, he is missed by many forumites, including me.

This is the only photo we have of Les

[Ozzyjack]

A quick hi, Pen,

Write-up of a drowning man

Your puzzle:easy peazy, my eye.    But very clever.  I won’t spoil it for those still struggling with it, but was it similar to a spy novel trilogy by Len Deighton.

I will work on an”easy peazy” puzzle for you  later today.

P.S. great cartoons.