More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)

[Ozzyjack]

Hi Pen,

Sounds like you needed to get back to work to recover from exhaustion.

Great joke Les just told. It keeps lapin around in my head.

I can’t match it.  All I can come up with at this time of night is an old chestnut but it involves a dog not a horse.

Les walks into a bar with a Border Collie.
The barman says, "Sorry, mate. No dogs allowed.
Les says, "But this is a special dog -- he talks!"
"Yeah, right," says the barman. "Now get out before I throw you out."
"No, wait," says Les. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?"
"Roof!" says the dog, wagging his tail.
"Listen, mate..." says the barman.
"Wait," says Les, "I'll ask another question." He turns to the dog and asks, "What's the opposite of smooth?"
"Rough!" exclaims the dog.
"Quit wasting my time and get out of here," says the barman.
"One more chance, he even knows about American sport" pleads Les. Turning to the dog, he asks,
"Who was the greatest baseball player that ever lived?"
"Ruth!" barked the dog.
"Okay, that's it!" says the barman, and physically throws Les and the dog out onto the street.

Turning to Les,  the Border Collie shrugs and says, "Maybe I should have said Joe Dimaggio?"

I hope the patients are treating you kindly.
Toodle Pip

[Hobbit]

Hi Jack
Been to work today (went back for a rest ) & have to say the patients weren't terribly kind to me.  The good news is that I'm now AWOL until Monday   Nice lie in in the morning!
I loved both jokes - very funny
I'm going to attempt to post the picture & hope it's ok.
See you later alligator
Pen

[Les303]

Oh Penny,

I have to say that I was very disappointed with your photograph.
I can not even think how you ever imagined that you would get away it.
Others may be fooled but it is apparrent to me that you have obviously cajouled your beautiful number one daughter into posing for this picture then tried to pass it off as your own.

Seriously though, if you could find an airline that would allow you to travel in that outfit then you might be able to overcome your fear of flying, just make sure you do not book with this particular airline ;


‘This is Captain birdy speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. ”If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. ”If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. ”If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. ”That’s me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!”

[Ozzyjack]

That’s a great picture, Pen, although you look more like a Heaven’s Angel than a Hells Angel.   

Here’s a bit of trivia

A squadron of daredevil fighter pilots in the first world war is credited with coining the name of the Hells Angels but the first club of that name was formed in 1948 by a breakaway group of the Pissed Off Bastards in Berdoo, San Bernadino, California.

Another long weekend?  You’re obviously a proponent of that century-old toast

Too much toil with no vacation
Justifies a slight libation;
So here’s a toast, now drain your glasses,
Work is the curse of the drinking classes

I hope you enjoyed your lie-in.

Avagoodweekend, Pen

[Hobbit]

I have to say that I was very disappointed with your photograph.
I can not even think how you ever imagined that you would get away it.
Others may be fooled but it is apparrent to me that you have obviously cajouled your beautiful number one daughter into posing for this picture then tried to pass it off as your own.

Seriously though, if you could find an airline that would allow you to travel in that outfit then you might be able to overcome your fear of flying, just make sure you do not book with this particular airline ;


‘This is Captain birdy speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic. ”If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire. ”If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off. ”If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you. ”That’s me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!”

G'day Les
So sorry to disappoint you Les but it most definitely is me.  I'm trussed up like a Christmas Turkey in my cousin's spare gear!
If I ever did overcome my fear of flying I will definitely not be flying with Captain Birdy (yes I know that's a policeman but I thought it was as near as dammit!  I love the joke
Do hope you are keeping alright & things are a little easier for you now.
Penx

[Hobbit]

That’s a great picture, Pen, although you look more like a Heaven’s Angel than a Hells Angel.   

A squadron of daredevil fighter pilots in the first world war is credited with coining the name of the Hells Angels but the first club of that name was formed in 1948 by a breakaway group of the Pissed Off Bastards in Berdoo, San Bernadino, California.

Too much toil with no vacation
Justifies a slight libation;
So here’s a toast, now drain your glasses,
Work is the curse of the drinking classes

I hope you enjoyed your lie-in.

Hi Jack
I have to say you're a proper old smoothy chops
I did enjoy my lie in & I might live dangerously & have another one tomorrow!
I liked the toast very much.  It's possible I might just have to raise a small glass a bit later on
Talking of first world war fighter pilots try this for size
Flashheart
Have a Fab Friday   Hopefully involving a small ball or 2! Depending how many you lose in the water/rough
Pen

[Les303]

[/quote]
G'day Les
So sorry to disappoint you Les but it most definitely is me.  I'm trussed up like a Christmas Turkey in my cousin's spare gear!
If I ever did overcome my fear of flying I will definitely not be flying with Captain Birdy (yes I know that's a policeman but I thought it was as near as dammit!  I love the joke
Do hope you are keeping alright & things are a little easier for you now.
Penx
[/quote]


Sorry Pen, the comment about your photo was meant to be a backhanded compliment.

I am actually quite enjoying being alone again with no complications & nobody else to worry about except for myself, i am able to put in the extra hours at work with a view to bringing forward my retirement to hopefully around the middle of next year, just how long before my new found serenity turns into boredom / lonliness is anybodies guess.

Cheers Les

[Ozzyjack]

I did enjoy my lie in & I might live dangerously & have another one tomorrow!

That's perfectly acceptable, Pen, because although the early bird might get the worm, it is the second mouse that gets the cheese.

Switch the genders and this was my reaction to that risqué video. 

I am not sure whether this skit follows on from that short skit in your YouTube but if not this is worth a watch

Hope your weekend is a giggle

[Hobbit]

Howdy Jack
I love cheese in many shapes & forms.  Especially partial to a nice strong cheddar & a bit of stilton   The only ones I can't cope with are brie & camembert.
I'd forgotten about Dick Emery.  Definitely worth a chuckle or three
I would wish you a jolly & enjoyable weekend but as your life is one long weekend I wont
Happy Saturday
So long
Pen

[Hobbit]

Sorry Pen, the comment about your photo was meant to be a backhanded compliment.

I am actually quite enjoying being alone again with no complications & nobody else to worry about except for myself, i am able to put in the extra hours at work with a view to bringing forward my retirement to hopefully around the middle of next year, just how long before my new found serenity turns into boredom / lonliness is anybodies guess.

Oh Les you silly arse I was pulling your leg   Thought you'd know me well enough by now to get that I do have a slightly warped sense of humour!
Glad you are enjoying life again for the time being.  If you are going to take early retirement next year make sure you have plenty of things to fill your time otherwise you might well find yourself bored or lonely then. The other choice is to gradually leave work by cutting down your hours.  It might not be an option for you but I know a few people who have done this & find it a good thing to do rather than stopping work altogether.
Look after yourself.
Penx

[anonsi]

The only ones I can't cope with are brie & camembert.

I also dislike brie and Camembert. Overrated.

I am back from my trip to Scotland - it was gorgeous and fascinating. I loved everything, though their accent is my favorite. I got some wonderful advice from you all on the forum - so thank you for helping to make our trip even more enjoyable.

[Ozzyjack]

I think my husband is going to be like you and want allllll the whisky.

Hi Anonsi, glad you had a great time.  Can't agree with you about Brie and Camembert, but it's the difference of opinion that makes horse racing so popular.

What I am curious about is did your husband manage to get any of the scotch home and does he have any recommendations from those he tasted?

[Ozzyjack]

I would wish you a jolly & enjoyable weekend but as your life is one long weekend I wont

Not true, Pen.  The difference between weekdays and weekends is that because the Southern Highlands is such an idyllic place, on weekdays only a fair proportion of the senior citizens of Sydney come to plague us, especially now our tulip festival has started. On the weekends, the workers come as well. The only thing that could be worse is if Brisbane people came as well.

It is enough to make you grumpy, Pen. But Miriam Margolyes knows how to handle grumpy people – Watch This


Speaking of cheese.

I know you are a kind person but I do hope it is not true that you are planning to hold a memorial service for the mouse that got to the cheese first.

We like all types of cheddar, but our very favourite is



It’s really great with a gutsy red but if you also have it with a good quince paste (we like Maggie Beer’s, but you might not be able to get that) it is superb.
I also like Blue Cheeses.  I think the taste of Stilton is great but by the time it is sold in Australia it is very crumbly, so although I enjoy it, I get into trouble for making a mess. We are great fans of the range of Castello blue cheeses.  

I really love Brie and Camembert. No accounting for taste is there?   I particularly like them when they are past their use-by date and they are superbly runny.

It would be interesting to get more opinions on the cheeses people like.

Don’t forget to stock up on crackers, Pen.

[Hobbit]

Hi Jack
I don't recognise that cheese at all but it looks & sounds delicious   We tend to have chutney.  I have to own up to never having heard of quince paste.
I actually forgot that the other sort of cheese I can't bear in any circumstances is goats.  Hot or cold or indifferent. Yuk says it all for me!  They seem very partial to it in France.  I do enjoy a bit of roquefort
I think Miriam Margolyes is excellent though she can be a little near the knuckle sometimes   I actually watched the whole of that programme.
Do you get many folks from Brisbane coming to visit your neck of the woods? I'll have to look at a map to find out the distance.  Perhaps Les will call round for cheese & crackers
I'm off to exercise the few remaining little grey cells!
Bottoms Up
Pen

[Ozzyjack]

Do you get many folks from Brisbane coming to visit your neck of the woods?  Perhaps Les will call round for cheese & crackers

Hi Pen,

The reason we get so many Sydney visitors is that, depending on the area of Sydney they come from, it is a 45 minute to 2-hour car Journey.  It is a favourite day trip to visit the antique shops, the flower displays, the wineries and the restaurants.

On the other hand, from Brisbane it is a 12-hour car Journey.  A comparable trip for you would be Bletchley to Berlin.  So we don’t get too many who just drop in for a cuppa. Queenslanders are great caravanners so we probably get a lot of them.  We have no way of turning them back at the border.  

Continuing the cheese theme…………..

As imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, I am going to do a Les and burst into poetry. I hesitate to use this saying as the last time I did Les did his nut but I think it will be OK because this time it is me doing the flattering

"Sonnet to a Stilton Cheese":

Stilton, thou shouldst be living at this hour
And so thou art. Nor losest grace thereby;
England has need of thee, and so have I—
She is a Fen. Far as the eye can scour,
League after grassy league from Lincoln tower
To Stilton in the fields, she is a Fen.
Yet this high cheese, by choice of fenland men,
Like a tall green volcano rose in power.
Plain living and long drinking are no more,
And pure religion reading "Household Words",
And sturdy manhood sitting still all day
Shrink, like this cheese that crumbles to its core;
While my digestion, like the House of Lords,
The heaviest burdens on herself doth lay.

You can’t get Maggie Beer quince paste in the UK only her verjuice & vino cotto. Generally, you can get Paiarrop Quince Paste from Sainsbury’s  but they are out of stock.  You’re best bet if you want to try it is to get it online here.

We didn’t get any bites (pun intended) from other forumites about cheeses.

Miriam is a sweetie, isn’t she?  I think she sets out to shock. a quickie to demonstrate

Toodle-oo