More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)

[Hobbit]

I occurred to me after our last posts there may be things that Les would prefer to keep private and I can empathise with this.  I have stated on this forum that I admired  the forthrightness of his posts that it would not be in my nature to reveal.  I would be happy if Les would send us a private message reassuring us he is OK.  I don't need details.

On the timing of our Whisky trail adventures, you must have been so keen to get to the meaty bits that you overlooked that there is a date on top of each days activities.

If I'm not too knacked I will send a follow up by the time you settle down to look at the forum after you get home from work.  In the meantime, the usual offering -


Thanks, I liked the Catherine Tate sketch.  I will have to dig out some more of her.   The sketch is very similar to one Corbett did with Barker but perhaps even funnier.

Evening Jack (I hope!)

I'm on a very busy clinic surrounded by lots broken bones & screaming children. 
If I had a brain I'd be fairly dangerous.  I loved reading all your travel journals.  I obviously skipped from the location onto the words.  Ignoring the large blue letters which included not only the day & date but the years as well.  What a bloody numpty
I'm sorry but I'm afraid I took against Catherine Tate after watching this
Comic Relief
It not only made me cringe but made my teeth stand on end
Zoe says she is excellent in Doctor Who.

Les has posted a very long Les type post which I will respond to later when I've got peace & quiet at home.

I'm off to do some work & search for my missing brain cells..

Hope you enjoyed your golf

Pen

[Ozzyjack]

Les,

I am so sorry to hear about your brother's situation and can understand you frustration at wanting so much to help but not being able to do so.

I have no words to ease your pain because words cannot help.  It is of little comfort, but I hope it is some, that there are people on this forum who may not have met you face to face but who do care about you and wish we could do more.

Stay strong, mate.

[Ozzyjack]

Hi Pen,

You are right about the time.  I have already had several hours sleep and will be back under the covers soon.

I agree with your feelings about that Catherine Tate sketch.  I will have a look to see if I can find something to redeem her image.

The golf was good because I played better than I usually do (but not good enough to win anything).  It was bad because the weather was lousy.  But there was a silver lining - it gave me an excuse to take the Glenmorangie off the shelf.

[Hobbit]

Dear Les
I have thought long & hard about your post & I can only really echo what Jack has already said. He did put it so well.
We may not have met you but that doesn't mean we don't care about you & feel for you as you're struggling with so much at the moment.
Am thinking of you.
Love Penx

[Hobbit]

You are right about the time.  I have already had several hours sleep and will be back under the covers soon.

The golf was good because I played better than I usually do (but not good enough to win anything).  It was bad because the weather was lousy.  But there was a silver lining - it gave me an excuse to take the Glenmorangie off the shelf.

Morning Jack
I think I'm finally getting to grips with the time difference
I'm very glad you played well - makes golf even more enjoyable if you have a good round I'm even happier that you had an excuse to take the Glenmorangie off the shelf
Chin Chin
Pen

[Ozzyjack]

Grantown to Edinburgh and the following day.

Thursday 22 July

I drove to Perth and D snoozed happily in the back seat.  The countryside is very beautiful and quite interesting to drive with some very steep slopes and corners.  The hillsides change from treeless heather and gorse and become lower and gradually grazing changes to farming as you travel south. 

D took over south of Perth for the tricky drive into Edinburgh and to the apartment we have rented in the Old Town just below the Royal Mile.  The directions we were given by the owners did not add to our confidence – after about a page of instructions the final words are essentially consult your map, drive slowly and don’t panic.  Our smooth arrival was not helped by the fact that some of the roads near Princes St were shut for road works and the detours we took were hard to follow on the map.  However, A did a good job of directing and D kept calm.
 
We found the apartment (Anne’s Apartments) up a narrow lane.  We phoned ahead and were met by Cate as arranged.  D squeezed the Mercedes into the garage that seemed built for a mini, but it does not encourage you to take it out unnecessarily.  Cate took about half an hour to take us through the intricacies of the apartment which is on the 2^nd storey and stairs are necessary.  The apartment is quite comfortable except that the floorboards creak and it is hard to tiptoe to the toilet at night.  It is in quite a large complex of apartments and A has compared it to Coronation St as the inhabitants seem to live quite a lot of their lives on the balconies talking to one another.

After D and A struggled up the stairs with the luggage, A set off to the nearest supermarket for some staple items.  He visited 2 and returned laden and tired.  Dinner was a bit of a scratch affair but a bottle of Chianti and a nip of scotch gave it added class.

Friday 23 July

A very slow start to the day.  This is not really related to the nips of scotch last night but rather accumulated tiredness.  This area seems to come to life at night with sounds of activity in the area well up to 2am.  D set off to the office of the National Trust about a mile away to collect our membership cards.  A and I settled down quite happily for snoozes and general inactivity.  D returned about 11.30 triumphantly bearing tickets for the hop-on hop-off (HOHO) bus.  He looked rather worn out from the walk, some of which was up quite steep hills.

We all set off to High St (Royal Mile) to catch a HOHO bus.  The tour we did was very good with live commentary on the bus.  We got off at Waverley Station as we needed food.  We found a cafe along Rose St (the Old Sea Dog) and all had a fish lunch (good pub food).  A was brave and had his fish coated in oatmeal – this proved to be very crunchy and I am not sure that he will be so courageous again with fish.
 
D went to the toilet there and was away quite a long while.  I thought perhaps I should also use the facilities but quickly changed my mind when I went through the door to the toilets I found there was a chair placed against the wall, and very long, steep stairs with another chair placed on the landing below.  I could not see the bottom of the stairs which continued past this point but it was not worth the effort.  Shortly afterwards a middle aged woman emerged from the door, puffing and red in the face.  D followed shortly after also out of breath but I do not think there was anything amiss in the causes of their heavy breathing.

We did some grocery shopping in Sainsbury’s and looked in a Scottish heritage shop where I got a cashmere jumper (maybe a bit good for golf) and D bought me a tartan fold-up walking stick.  We then went back to Waverley Station and got on another HO-HO bus.  We had a woman with a broad Scottish accent doing the commentary and this time the bus went to the Castle, which is close to our apartment.  There are hordes of tourists and the grounds are being prepared for the Tattoo.  We got off and staggered home (in my case)

The tour guide was taking no nonsense from those on top of the bus “Sit down now – I knoo it’s hooman nature to be standin’ oop fer one last shot – well, ye can joost sit on tha bus for a whole circuit – tha buildings won’t be movin I can promise, and nor will we unless ye sit!” and “You with the phone – if thair’s nobody downstairs ye can take the call there where ye won’t disturb anyone”

M and A went to their rooms for a rest but I bravely stayed up to watch the “Weakest Link” while sipping a half glass of white wine.  I woke up still clutching my glass half way through the news an hour later.  The lack of good TV here is annoying however a cause for optimism is that A is cook for tonight and I am looking forward to a good home-cooked meal.  A savoury cheese and tomato tart with Chianti was a good start.

I feel the need to document the latest whisky comparisons. Night one was a smoky, peaty Caol Ila picked up at Tallisker in Skye against the smooth “marmaladey” Miltonduff “picked up for M” at Glen Livet. Night two saw us compare the Miltonduff against a 12 year old Macallan, a straight forward but very elegant whisky. Tonight we’ve started comparing the Macallan against a special cask edition of Cardhu, which is like drinking whisky-flavoured liquid silk.

Cat has previously commented that the Aged Parentals’ diaries are heavily focussed on meals consumed. Bottles of whisky knocked back may not be much of improvement, but as D likes to say, “a change is as good as a holiday...” With any luck my liver will survive the holiday.

[Hobbit]

Morning Jack
Enjoyed your visit to Edinburgh. Not sure I fancy all those steep hills! Had to smile at the vision of you all sampling the various whiskies   Do hope whisky tasting isn't like wine tasting where they sniff, roll it round the mouth then spit it out
A very happy Friday
Pen

[whisky]

Whisky professionals, those who taste and rate over 100 whiskies a day, yes, they do spit it out.
However 'we' amateurs rarely do that.

I once tasted a Pakistani Whisky ( for tourists only, not locals ) and I spat that out.

Michael

[Les303]

G'day Michael,

I am sure that Ozzyjack will not mind me telling you about this experience that he had when he was just a young kid at school.

The teacher gave their class an assignment: get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Anoni  said: "My dad says that eggs are important and we should eat plenty. One time we were taking our eggs home from the supermarket in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke on the dashboard and made a right mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Penny raised her hand and said: "Our family have a farm. We raise chickens for the meat factory. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story, Penny. Jack do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, Miss. My father told me this story about my Auntie Mo.

Auntie Mo went to live in the States in the 1980s to pursue her dream of becoming a flight engineer.
After much persistence she was able to achieve her goal & was deployed to Desert Storm but on her very first foray, her plane got hit.
 She had to bale out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of Irish Whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the entire bottle of whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete till the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your Dad tell you from that horrible story?"

"Don't mess with Auntie Mo when she's been drinking.

[Ozzyjack]

Hi Michael,

Good to see you contributing to this thread again.  It' s been nearly a year.  Don't be a stranger.

Hi Pen,

I've still got a bit of Edinburgh to mark up.  Italics, bold etc get lost when you copy from Word to the forum and I need to use the forum's formatting tools to restore them before posting and I've been a bit busy the last two days. Last night I was knacked again and I decided to have a few hours sleep before getting up to send a post but I was so tired I slept right through.  This morning we had an extra game of golf deeper into Sydney and had to leave at 5.30 am.

I am not into tasting and spitting, Pen.  I am too mean.  If I accidentally spill some whisky, I shed tears.  :'(

I am not sure whether I have posted the following two sketches.  If I have, please forgive me.

The Two Ronnies - Rochdale Ringers

The two Ronnies - opticians sketch

The second one is one of their weaker efforts.

Have a good weekend, Pen

Hi Les,

Why didn't you finish the story in your last Post.  I'll finish it for you, because it might be relevant to current Australian politics.

The  teacher said that was a ripping story, Jack.  Les, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, Miss. My father told me this story about a bull and a turkey".

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

Soon he was spotted by a hunter, who shot him out of the tree.


"Oh Dear! that's terrible.  What's the moral of that story?" asked the teacher.

"Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there" Said Les.

[Hobbit]

Evening Les.  Loved the joke.  Made me laugh out loud (should that be lol? )
Look after yourself
Love Penx

[Hobbit]

Hi Jack
I didn't think for a second you would spit the scotch out!  Waste of exceptionally good quality stuff!  I imagine if you spilt any you would be on the floor sucking the carpet
I have been reading a bit on the BBC about your Prime Minister.  Don't really understand except you seem to have a new one rather quickly.
I don't think you have posted those 2 Two Ronnies before.
I look forward to the rest of Edinburgh
I very much enjoyed your addendum (is that the right work? ) to Les' joke
Happy Saturday
Pen

[Ozzyjack]

Some vocabulary for Anonsi and Au revoir to Scotland

Saturday 24 July 2010

Our apartment has a set of coasters, known here as beer mats, but mainly used by us as coffee mats, each of which has a Scots slang or dialectic word defined.

Crabbit - ill tempered, grumpy, curt, disagreeable, in a bad mood (especially in the morning) often used in “Ken this, yer a crabbit git, so you are”.

Scunner - A Nuisance or object of dislike often used in “git oot o’ ma face ya wee scunner”

Steamin’ – drunk, inebriated, the state of having consumed too much bevy.

Yer bum's oot the windae! - literally "Your bum is out the window", but actual meaning is 'You're talking rubbish (trash)', or 'You're not making any sense' or "You're wasting my time".

Awa' an bile yer heid - literally "Away and boil your head!" but actually means  'Get lost!' or 'Forget it!' - and it's usually said to someone who has just told you "Yer bum's oot the windae"

Part of the bus ticket deal was a boat trip down the Firth of Forth.  The boat trip is quite relaxing and may have been even better if we could have heard the commentary.  A very noisy family behind us spoke at the top of their lungs as did some others.  I was left wondering why some people went on the trip – the family in front of us ate the entire 1^1/2 hours and didn’t look out the window except when we saw some seals.

M and A kept laughing at me because I was interested in the commentary and kept missing bits and was obviously crabbit about the Scunners.  

Back on land and the boat bus took us back to Waverley Station.  We walked up Princes St. and Rose St, looking for somewhere different to have lunch.  Everywhere is busy with lots of tourists and we ended up having lunch in a very tough pub.  Its clientele seemed to generally have closely shaven heads and lots of tattoos, so we didn’t quite fit in.  The barman looked slightly taken back when I asked about the soup of the day (tomato once again – there must have been a glut of not very tasty tomatoes this summer) and a sparkling mineral water.  I don’t think they sell much of that there.  We all ended up with overcooked fish.  The conversations around us were deafening and it was possibly lucky that I could not understand the accents as every second word seemed to start with an “f”.

The tough group of skinhead-types each had a pint in their hand, were well on their to steamin’ even though it was early afternoon, and were talking at the top of their lungs while watching the big screen TV showing golf. “Ah, the wee scunner’s muffed it, the f...er”. “Ah, Yer bum's oot the windae!”, “Awa' an bile yer heid”.

The bar staff seemed quite concerned about us – saying if we needed anything just ask, and genuinely acting solicitously – I wondered if they saw us as innocent lambs frolicking in a field of ravening wolves.

We went back down Princes St to catch a HOHO bus back to the apartment.  We got out at the stop near Greyfriar’s Bobby – no trip to Edinburgh is complete without patting his nose and then walked back to the apartment.  D called into an OddBins shop for some wine and then decided to go on one last HOHO tour through the New Town.  A and I snoozed, and I caught up with some ironing.  When D returned, we finished the day with a light dinner of pate and omelette followed by some comparative whisky tasting and bed.

One classic from my HOHO trip– the big clock near Waverley Station is kept 3 minutes early so people won’t miss their trains except once a year.  It is correct on New Year’s Eve because the Scots must know the precise moment to sing “Auld Lang Syne”.

Sunday 25 July

This morning we set off to drive to several places.  D carefully and successfully backed the car out of its tight parking space in the garage and we set off to Stirling.

We called in at Falkirk to see the Wheel.  Once again this was something we had previously seen the signs to but did not go to see as we didn’t know what it was.  It is a huge rotating device which lifts barges from one level of a canal to another.  The difference in height between the canals is about 24 metres. Once again lots of people were there and many of them pay to ride in a river boat and get taken up by the wheel (we didn’t do that).  

While we were there I got information on the Antonine Wall – basically a turf wall and ditch built by the Romans not long after Hadrian’s Wall was built.  It is a bit further north than Hadrian’s Wall but most traces of it are now gone.  There was generally quite a walk to get to any remnants, so we went on to Bannockburn.

The Heritage Site at Bannockburn is much smaller than the one at Culloden but works very well.  It sets out the story of Robert the Bruce’s victory against the English in 1314.  The English held Stirling castle at this time and the Scots had been besieging it for about 2 years.  Edward II sent a large army intending to relieve the siege and finally destroy the Scots army – he lost.

We then went to the Old Bridge Inn at the Bridge of Allen for lunch and again were not disappointed.  A said his fish was amongst the best he has had – this may not be hard as kippers and fish coated in oatmeal do not rate highly.  D and I had roast beef and he was moved to say in tones of wonderment “they even make the vegetables taste good” and he ate up his cauliflower, broccoli and carrots without any further ado.  He is resistant to any vegetables except potato and peas at home.

Feeling much stronger we then went to the William Wallace memorial.  This time the Mel Gibson statue which stood beside the ticket office was missing.  Apparently, the statue had to be removed when the ticket office/shop was expanded and the statue has been returned to its sculptor.  I think people here would be pleased – the HOHO bus guide yesterday commented that although she thought Mel was OK he would have needed to have stood on a large box to have got anywhere near the height of Wallace who was over 6ft 6” and may have been nearer to 7ft tall.  

As I climbed the steps in the memorial in 2006 (and walked up the steep hill to it) I had no compunction about sending D and A off and read a book and listened to music in the car.  D and A returned after about an hour – both seemed to have shaky knees and one looked red in the face and the other a bit pale.  A does not care for heights and did not seem to enjoy the openings in the upper levels which let in refreshing gusts of air and give good views of the ground below.  

Our last visit was to Stirling Castle – it is undergoing quite a lot of refurbishment but we could wander though the main hall and chapel and around the grounds.  It will be more interesting when refurbishment of the royal apartments is completed in about 2 years’ time. There are great views over the countryside and you can see why the castle was of strategic importance.  

Then back to our apartment in Edinburgh.  A and I clambered backup the stairs to our apartment and D bravely set off up to High St for a few essential supplies – wine for dinner.  He got directed down the steep Cockburn Street for bread and cheese.  The walk involves steps and quite a steep ramp so it was not a snack for tired legs.  A good day with only two people complaining about tired legs (not me for once!).

Monday 26 July

We packed up and left for York just after 9.45.  On the we stopped at Jedburgh to look in a woollen mill shop in the hope of finding a good jumper for A but it had the same basic mass produced stuff as the shops in Edinburgh.  It seems as if most of the mills have been taken over by one company which has gone down-market.
 
We also visited briefly Jedburgh Abbey, its visitor centre and surrounding herb garden with aromatic plants and a stone display.  The church was built in the Romanesque and early Gothic styles and is remarkably complete. Jedburgh Abbey’s close location to the English border meant it was frequently targeted by invading border armies.

[Les303]

Evening Les.  Loved the joke.  Made me laugh out loud (should that be lol? )
Look after yourself
Love Penx

G'day Pen,

Glad to hear that my joke gave you a laugh.
I thought that Jack's addition was even funnier & so very apt considering our current political chaos.
Jack has also come up with a phrase which i feel is perfect for describing most of our current politicians " Yer bum's oot the windae "

You might be even more amazed, bemused, confused, disinterested, embarrassed, flummoxed, gobsmacked, horrified, intrigued, jaundiced, knacked, lampooned, mystified, neutralised, outraged, pissed, quashed, ridiculed, stagnated, terrified, uninterested, vanquished, wasted, xenophobed, yielded & zonked when you learn that this entire debacle was in fact initiated by a local butcher...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGoXrVcXh-U

[auntiemo]

Oh Les, I can't believe you know me so well just from playing Chihuahua.....🍸🍺🍻🍷🍹🍶