Am struggling to come up with a challenging new topic. I'm quite excited by trains
On the question of this being a Les-themed thread, if we admit it is, he will get a swelled head and he will have to go out and buy a new hat.
Well after all, my name is featured in the thread topic.
Pen, I've accepted the challenge.
Les, to make it Les themed, I've made the jokes Lesocentric, If you send me the bill, I will throw in for half the new hat!!!
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When Les was a young fellow just before he joined Queensland Rail (QR), he used to be a bit of a lad. He was always trying to put one over on people; trying to test any system to its limits and he was always up for a joke. You wouldn’t believe that young larrikin would grow up to become that sober, respectable, conservative pillar of society that we know Les to be today.
He used to knock around with two blokes that were just like him. They used to call their mini-gang the
Lags.
On day the Lags were drinking in the bar at Brisbane Railway station waiting for a train when they heard a whistle. The three of them rushed out of the bar onto the platform only to discover that they had just missed the train.
‘The next train is in one hour,’ intoned the stationmaster.
The three went back into the bar and got stuck into the XXXX Again they heard a whistle, rushed out and discovered the train pulling away.
‘Next one is sixty minutes from now,’ grunted the stationmaster.
Les slipped the stationmaster a fiver to tell them when the next train was pulling into the station. An hour later, the Stationmaster warns then the train is pulling in but they had been handed fresh schooners, so they were a bit slow getting out to the platform.
The train started moving and they all raced to catch it. Les wasn’t as fit as his mates who managed to leap onto the train as it pulled away. Les was left standing on the platform and began to laugh uproariously.
The stationmaster thought he would pee himself and said. ‘Why are you laughing?’
Les gave him a cheeky grin, ‘They only came to see me off.’
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The Lags were going to Sydney to see if Kings Cross was all it was cracked up to be and three accountants, (suits, ties and all that clobber) were traveling by the same train to a conference.
At the station, the three accountants each bought tickets and watched as the Lags bought only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asked an accountant.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answered Les.
They all boarded the train. The accountants took their respective seats, but all three Lags crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train departed, the conductor came around collecting tickets. He knocked on the toilet door and said, “Ticket, please.” The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The conductor took it and moved on.
The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, after the conference, the accountants decided to copy the Lags on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that).
When they got to the station, they bought a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Lags were returning to Brisbane on the same train and didn’t buy a ticket at all. “How are you going to travel without a ticket?” said one perplexed accountant.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answered Les.
When they boarded the train, the three accountants crammed into a toilet and the Lags crammed into another nearby. The train departed.
Shortly afterward, Les left his toilet and walked over to the toilet where the accountants were hiding. He knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please.”
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As we know, Les joined QR. Ocker, one of the Lags, revered Les and he decided to join QR too, hoping to get a job with Les. Not to be. Les was bright and got the plum jobs but Ocker, to be as charitable as we can be, was less bright and was given the job of supervising a railway crossing. What could go wrong?
Two months later, in a terrible accident at the railroad crossing, a train smashed into a car and pushed it nearly four hundred yards down the track. Though no one was killed, the car driver took QR to court. At the trial, Les went along to give moral support to Ocker because that’s what mates do.
Ocker insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he’d done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed.
Lawyer: “Congratulations, Ocker, you did superbly under cross-examination.”
Ocker: Thanks, but Les, he sure had me worried.”
Les: “How’s that?”
Ocker:” I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!”
