Author Topic: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)  (Read 267553 times)

Les303

  • Guest
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #375 on: February 25, 2018, 05:15:41 PM »
Hey Les,
There is no film.  It is just an advertisement.
Val x


Oh!, ok, guess I got sucked in big time although I do believe that the idea of a remake is still being considered or have I got that wrong as well?

Les303

  • Guest
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #376 on: February 25, 2018, 06:22:05 PM »
Since we're talking Aussie classics:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfR9iY5y94s

Thanks gromit, It has been a long time since i last saw that great clip.
Every time i hear that song it reminds me of our historic Americas Cup win in 1983.

Coincidently, it was just the other day that i was at my local pub where i got to talking with a long retired yachting skipper.
He was a real character with a wooden leg, a hook in place of his right hand & a huge black patch covered his left eye.
After quite a few beers, i finally built up the courage to ask him would he mind if i inquired as to how he lost his leg?
Yeah, no worries, that was many years ago when i was just a crewman & went overboard during the '85 Brisbane to Hobart . I had to tread water for nearly an hour before our yacht was able to turn around & eventually find me.
I can not tell you how relieved i was when they unfolded that ladder as i was near exhaustion & very mindful that i was in shark infested waters.
Then just as i began to scale the ladder a huge white pointer appeared from nowhere & took my leg.
Geez, you were lucky to survive that but what about your hand?
Oh that was just a silly bar fight with some locals in Hobart , it was over a woman of course & just got out of control when one of the mob produced a cleaver & chopped off my hand.
Crikey, your a tough old bugger but what about your eye?
Lost the eye when i got some seagull droppings in it.
I don't understand, surely just a bit of bird poo in your eye would not cause you to lose it.
Normally it wouldn't but that was the same day that i first had my hook attached.



Valerie

  • Word-meister
  • ****
  • Posts: 155
  • Blue Mountains, Australia
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #377 on: February 25, 2018, 06:26:47 PM »
Definitely no plans for another film, Les.  You can rest easy.
I'll sleep in my next life

Les303

  • Guest
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #378 on: February 25, 2018, 06:29:21 PM »
Thanks Val , were you a fan of the original ?

Valerie

  • Word-meister
  • ****
  • Posts: 155
  • Blue Mountains, Australia
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #379 on: February 25, 2018, 06:34:42 PM »
Indeed I was Les.  But only the original.  Like you, I'm not that keen on sequels.
I'll sleep in my next life

Ozzyjack

  • Glossologian
  • **
  • Posts: 1757
  • Southern Highlands, NSW.
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #380 on: February 25, 2018, 08:35:46 PM »
I had a weird dream last night.

I decided I needed to have a beer with Les so I headed north.  When I got to his place, they told me he was down at the local rubbity with ALL his mates.  In Australia this is what we say about someone who is drinking alone.  

So, imagine my surprise when I got to the pub to find him drinking in a large school.  Being the gentleman he is, he introduced me to them by their nicknames.

The ones I remembered when I woke up this morning were:
All Bran He loves chairing meetings and passing motions;
Barra Hes always coming up with fishy yarns;
Beer Bottle Hes empty from the neck up;
Blotto - Completely pissed half the time and half pissed all the time
Cheeses- We think hes religious because this is his favourite expletive;
Kanga Hes always on the hop;
Ocker Hes not very cultured and likes beer, sport and women in that order;
Opium Hes a slow acting dope;
Pearl -  He is virtually neckless built like a brick outhouse;
Pothole Hes always in the road;
Septic {tank} Hes a Yank;
Snake -  the girls say it because he is a charmer, but the blokes reckon its an anatomical reference;
Snuggler Hes full of what nappies collect;
Waltzin His real name is Matt Hilder;
Whisper Almost impossible to get him to shout.

Ironically Blue, Curley and Lofty werent there but weve talked about them before.

Les might remember the ones I've forgotten.
« Last Edit: February 26, 2018, 01:57:41 PM by Ozzyjack »
Cheers, Jack


In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat you need it.  ― Napoleon Bonaparte

Hobbit

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2062
  • Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #381 on: February 26, 2018, 06:26:57 AM »
Quote
Since we're talking Aussie classics:
Thanks Gromit
Great fun & a brilliant song.
Whenever I see your name I always want to say "more cheese Gromit?"
sorry! :-[
Penny

Hobbit

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2062
  • Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #382 on: February 26, 2018, 06:32:56 AM »
Les & Jack or
Jack & Les....
I think you two should form a double act.  Where on earth do you get all these jokes & anecdotes from?  Maybe Australia's answer to Morecambe & Wise or the Two Ronnies...!
I've probably asked this question before but I've forgotten the answer!  How far apart are you?
thanks boys :laugh:
Penx

Ozzyjack

  • Glossologian
  • **
  • Posts: 1757
  • Southern Highlands, NSW.
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #383 on: February 26, 2018, 08:16:47 AM »
Les & Jack - How far apart are you?

Age:  about 20 years
By Road: just over 1000 Km (620 miles)
By Crow: Around 820 Km (510 miles)
Sense of Humour: Not much

To put the distances in perspective: Land's End to John o'Groats is considered the longest distance between the north and south continuous land extremities of Britain, officially 603 miles (970 Km) as the crow flies, and 874 miles (1,406 Km) by road (according to the sign at Land's End).,

Where do we get our Jokes and Anecdotes from?

Me: Pinch from internet or books and personalise
Les: Divine inspiration
Cheers, Jack


In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat you need it.  ― Napoleon Bonaparte

gromit

  • Neophyte
  • *
  • Posts: 35
  • Wellington, NZ
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #384 on: February 26, 2018, 04:35:28 PM »
Quote
Since we're talking Aussie classics:
Thanks Gromit
Great fun & a brilliant song.
Whenever I see your name I always want to say "more cheese Gromit?"
sorry! :-[
Penny

Don't be sorry. I chose the name because I really like Wallace and Gromit.

Les303

  • Guest
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #385 on: February 26, 2018, 05:59:01 PM »
Les: Divine inspiration



GOD'S - Quality Management Questionnaire

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.
Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.

1. How did you find out about God?
__ Newspaper __ Other Book
__ Television __ Divine Inspiration
__ Word of mouth __ Near Death Experience
__ Bible __ Other
__ Torah (specify): _____________

2. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.
__ Tarot __ Lottery
__ Horoscope __ Television
__ Fortune cookies __ Ann Landers
__ Self-help books __ Sex
__ Biorhythms __ Alcohol or drugs
__ Mantras __ Other: ______________________________________
__ Insurance policies __ None

3. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?
a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know

4. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following (1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):
a. Disasters (flood, famine, earthquake, war) 1 2 3 4 5
b. Miracles (rescues, spontaneous remission of disease, sports upsets) 1 2 3 4 5

5. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary).








Les303

  • Guest
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #386 on: February 27, 2018, 05:47:25 PM »

I had a weird dream last night.

I decided I needed to have a beer with Les so I headed north.  When I got to his place, they told me he was down at the local rubbity with ALL his mates.  In Australia this is what we say about someone who is drinking alone.  

So, imagine my surprise when I got to the pub to find him drinking in a large school.  Being the gentleman he is, he introduced me to them by their nicknames.

The ones I remembered when I woke up this morning were:
All Bran He loves chairing meetings and passing motions;
Barra Hes always coming up with fishy yarns;
Beer Bottle Hes empty from the neck up;
Blotto - Completely pissed half the time and half pissed all the time
Cheeses- We think hes religious because this is his favourite expletive;
Kanga Hes always on the hop;
Ocker Hes not very cultured and likes beer, sport and women in that order;
Opium Hes a slow acting dope;
Pearl -  He is virtually neckless built like a brick outhouse;
Pothole Hes always in the road;
Septic {tank} Hes a Yank;
Snake -  the girls say it because he is a charmer, but the blokes reckon its an anatomical reference;
Snuggler Hes full of what nappies collect;
Waltzin His real name is Matt Hilder;
Whisper Almost impossible to get him to shout.

Ironically Blue, Curley and Lofty werent there but weve talked about them before.

Les might remember the ones I've forgotten.


You might find this just a little hard to believe but i had exactly the same dream.

I had originally gone to the pub  much earlier in the day with a few mates from work to have a couple of beers with a colleague that was soon to retire.
Unfortunately by the time that Jack arrived all my work mates had left although i stayed to carry on with the school that Jack has mentioned.
If Jack had arrived a bit earlier, i would have also been able to introduce him to some of my mates from work ;

DINGER          ---------      surname bell
NOT SO           ---------     surname bright
MAD MAX        ---------      first name max, has a very short temper & will go into a tirade over the smallest  incident
CHOPPER         -----------  senior manager responsible for staff & cost cutting.
SHOW PONY    ----------    a colleague that rose to senior management
BROWN NOSE -----------   the method that the show pony used to get there
GROT --------------------   would always leave a mess in the kitchen
BATS ---------------------  busting at the seams ( shirts looking tighter every day due to ever increasing beer belly )
« Last Edit: February 27, 2018, 05:48:57 PM by Les303 »

Les303

  • Guest
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #387 on: February 27, 2018, 08:10:11 PM »
Grot was the one whose retirement was pending.

Due to his general messiness & very bad personal hygiene as well as his very reckless work ethic, he was never the most popular bloke at work but regardless of that , as we have all worked with him for so many years, we should all throw in a couple of bucks to buy him a little retirement gift as none of us will be interested in going to the official company sendoff.
Ok, but what on earth should we buy him & who is going to present it to him as you will obviously have to give a bit of a speech as well.
After a very, very, long silence, i suggested that we buy him a dictionary & as no one  else is prepared to, then i suppose that i can present it to him.
There was immediate agreement as that meant that everybody else was off the hook although there were some mumblings about why in hell would we by him a dictionary?

Grot & i were hoisted up to stand on a very wobbly table.

Grot,

This is a fairdinkum farewell, without any bullshit,  from the people that you have been working with over the last twenty years.
You have never known the meaning of cleaning, weather it be the kitchen or your own work station, despite all our promptings, you never seemed to grasp the concept that a very strong deoderant can be useful, you never understood or cared what it meant to present in a nicely ironed shirt,you never understood the meaning of a lunch break & you never understood the meaning of personal space but most importantly you did understand how to pitch in, go above & behond to help out your mates when the shit had hit the fan.

Enjoy your retirement & maybe just take the time to check out some of those definitions in your new dictionary.




Hobbit

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2062
  • Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #388 on: February 28, 2018, 06:29:41 AM »
Oh Les very cruel & very funny!  You & Jack are obviously very well tuned in to be having exactly the same dream :laugh:
Pen

Ozzyjack

  • Glossologian
  • **
  • Posts: 1757
  • Southern Highlands, NSW.
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #389 on: February 28, 2018, 12:27:02 PM »
Speaking of dreams.......................

Les has shared with us that he is single but that he has had a number of close calls.

I would like to share with you a story from one of those close calls.  It was with a woman who had an eye to the main chance named Ineeda Mann.

One morning, Ineeda told Les "I had a beautiful dream last night.  You got down on one knee and presented me with the most beautiful, most expensive diamond ring.  What do you think it means?

Les replied with a cheeky grin, Dunno, but when I come home from work this afternoon you will find out.

That afternoon Les came home with a small gift wrapped box.  Ineeda waited to see the contents with quivering anticipation. 

I've attached a picture of it below.


Sadly the relationship didn't last much longer.

If you ask me nicely, I will tell you about one of Les's romances that didn't get past first base.
Cheers, Jack


In victory, you deserve Champagne. In defeat you need it.  ― Napoleon Bonaparte