It's true , I do have a lousy sense of direction.
I really do not enjoy extended shopping trips particularly at this time of year when every where you go is absolutely packed.
Negotiations for the big Christmas shopping trip had been going on for quite a while.
All of my excuses & suggestions for alternate arrangements ( which did not involve me ) were of course totally rejected.
I was given the schedule ... we will be leaving at 8.00am Saturday morning & meeting up with my girl friends at Mount Ommaney around 9.00am , John & Julie are also coming down from the Gold Coast so you will have John to keep you company , we will have lunch there around midday & then leave so that you will be home in plenty of time to watch your precious horse races. I know you don't like driving in unfamiliar territory on the south side but it has to be Mount Ommaney because we have checked online & they have all the bargains that we are all looking for & it is more convenient for my friends so don't be such a sook & just suck it up & do this for me.
Ok , so Friday afternoon , I place all my bets for Saturday's races ( just in case ) & get out the trusty old refidex to check the directions to Mount Ommaney.
Surprisingly , despite the heavy traffic ( it's like peak hour ) I managed to find my way to the shopping centre without incident & even found a parking space reasonably close to the main entrance where we met up with our friends.
After an hour of pointless window shopping , John & I retired to the coffee shop for a coffee & a donut.
Apparently , the girls had no time for coffee , just so much shopping to be done , just text us if you need us & we will meet you back here at midday for lunch.
It's about 11.00am by now so I wander off to find a newsagent & return to the coffee shop to study the form guide.
Disaster , two of my selections have been scratched & I found a runner that I wanted to back that I had failed to spot on Friday so John , you wait here for the girls while i go and find a TAB to place these bets.
After walking around in circles & going up & down all the levels , I eventually found my way back to the coffee shop.
Exasperated , I said to John , I cannot believe that a shopping centre of this size which has every conceivable shop does not have a TAB , by the way , it's now 1230pm , where are the girls.
John replies that he has just sent them a text & they said that they would be here in about 15 minutes.
1.30pm & the girls finally appear , all pushing fully laden trolleys.
We are exhausted & starving , lets order some lunch ... I spend an inordinate amount of time staring at my watch.
By the time they have finished lunch & said all their goodbyes , it is almost 3.00pm.
I have really had a gutful by now & just want to get out of here & onto the road home. ( luckily , the horse that I really want to back is n the last race which does not jump until 5.20pm. )
After my earlier meanderings , I reckoned that I had found a shortcut to the closest exit , only problem was this exit came out on the opposite side of the complex to the one that we had initially entered.
So rather than re - enter the rabbit warren of the complex , I push this very heavy , fully loaded trolley for what seemed like forever before I eventually located my car.
With my frustration at its absolute limit & drenched in sweat , I finally get the car loaded , it is now approaching 4 o'clock , why is everybody in the complex electing to leave at the same time , I grab an opportunity to jump into a lane that is moving faster than mine & give myself a little smile as I pass all the cars that are sitting bumper to bumper in the left lane.
Once on the highway , we begin to get a clear run & i'm starting to feel a lot better as we will be home by 5 o'clock & I will still be able to put on my bet that is until ' she who must be obeyed ' suggests that we are actually travelling in the wrong direction.
Don't be ridiculous , i'm not that stupid.... by the time we found an exit where we could turn around & after stopping at a service station ( twice ) to ask for directions we arrived home just on 6.00pm.
I checked all the horses that I had backed on Friday with no winners but of course the one that I wanted to back in the last had won by 3 lengths at 20 to 1.
Even by my standards , spending an entire week drinking at " Beyond the Pale " ( clever name ) is a bit much.
I generally don't have too much trouble finding my way to a new venue however sometimes the trip home is a bit of a concern.
As well as my reputation fore being hopeless with directions , I have also been known to totally misinterpret the odd email.