Good one Jack.
Given the recent theme of this thread , this joke seems suitable ;
Jack was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was increasingly hampered by incredibly painful headaches. When his personal hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help.
After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who solved the problem.
"The good news is I can cure your headaches , the bad news is that it will require castration." You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Jack was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything left to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but eventually decided that he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realised that he felt like a different person. He could now make a new beginning and live a long & pain free life.
He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."
The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."
Jack laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Jack tried on the suit. It fitted perfectly. As Jack admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?"
Jack thought for a moment and then said, "Sure..."
The salesman eyed Jack and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a half neck"
Jack was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Jack tried on the shirt, and it fitted perfectly. As Jack adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?"
Jack was on a roll and said, "Sure..."
The salesman eyed Jack's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2... E."
Jack was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
Jack tried on the shoes and they were a perfect fit. Jack walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?"
Without hesitating, Jack said, "Sure..."
The salesman eyed Jack's head and said, "Let's see... 7-5/8."
Jack was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"
"It's my job."
The hat also fit perfectly. Jack was feeling great, when the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Jack thought for a second and said, "Sure..."
The salesman stepped back, eyed Jack's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36." Jack laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."
The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."