I'm guessing the theme was that you didn't get up early enough to catch the worm 
It was not me that was the early riser, Pen. It was
you. Looks like it can give you the squirm instead of the worm.
However, I must congratulate you on coming up with a complete set of humour that I have not seen before? With the amount of material we’ve trawled through to ensure we don’t repeat ourselves, this is a real achievement. I can remember the satisfaction I got a few years ago when Les admitted I had come up with a joke he had not heard before. Have you discovered a new source?
I don’t expect these two will cut the mustard;
When he was a young pman, Blue went to Sheila’s house for the first time. She showed him into the living room. She excused herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up and gives it a shake, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in. He says "What's this?" She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there." He goes, "Shit, Jeez...oooh....I..." She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
The big question of the COVID-19 situation in USA is -
Should We Open Up The Country?
Here's what the experts said:
The Allergists were in favour of scratching it, but the
Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but
the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while
the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.
Many Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!"
While the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!”
Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the
Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the
Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter.”
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but
the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty
Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in Washington.
