Author Topic: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)  (Read 309015 times)

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4755 on: September 21, 2020, 09:13:30 PM »
Hi Pen,

Sometime true stories are better than jokes.

A man, wanting to rob a Bank of Queensland, walked into the Branch and wrote 'Put all your muny in this bag.'  While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.  So he left the Bank and crossed the street to the NAB Bank.  After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of Queensland deposit slip and that he would either  have to fill out a NAB deposit slip or go back to Bank of Queensland.  Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left.  He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Queensland. Happened in Noosa!

I needed some liqueur for a recipe, so I visited the local monastery.  As I walked past the kitchen, I saw a man frying chips.  I asked him, “Are you the friar?”  He replied, “No, I’m the chip monk”.

Blue was confronted by a group of university students chanting, “we want free education, free healthcare, free housing and free food.”  Blue responded laconically, “have you considered going to prison?”

June was a bit down about something that had gone wrong. So I advised her to embrace her mistakes and you know what?  She gave me a big hug.

Do you remember Les posting it took him 15 minutes to walk to the pub but 45 minutes to walk home?  Well, the difference is staggering.

       

and I'll leave you with this thought




Cheers, Jack


“For fools rush in where angels fear to tread" - Alexander Pope in his 1711 poem 'An Essay on Criticism.”

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4756 on: September 21, 2020, 09:19:24 PM »
I saw this just after I posted and I thought I would dedicate it to Pen

Cheers, Jack


“For fools rush in where angels fear to tread" - Alexander Pope in his 1711 poem 'An Essay on Criticism.”

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4757 on: September 21, 2020, 11:24:28 PM »
Thanks Jack ;D  I like to think I'm untamed or untameable >:D  Oh if only that were true :laugh:  Work's not too bad - I've got the afternoon on fracture clinic.  I'd forgotten how awful it is wearing a mask all day :( 
I'll see your wild old woman & offer you this :laugh:

I loved your post - especially the incompetent bank robber.  Made me laugh out loud & cheered up my day :)

         

Here's a couple more golden oldies.
What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?  Hot cross bunnies!
Waiter Waiter! what's this fly doing in my soup?  The backstroke sir!


Hope Bonnie is as fast asleep as Snoopy!
« Last Edit: September 21, 2020, 11:32:40 PM by Hobbit »

Dragonman

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4758 on: September 22, 2020, 02:36:31 AM »
A Parson, a Priest  and a Rabbit went for a blood test.
The Rabbit said ''I think I'm a typo ''

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4759 on: September 22, 2020, 04:41:45 AM »
Love it Gareth :laugh:

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4760 on: September 22, 2020, 04:45:21 AM »
It's Smee Again Jack

One of my cartoons disappeared :( so I'm going to try a replacement & hope for the best!

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4761 on: September 22, 2020, 07:43:54 PM »
Morning Jack

Thought I'd nip in quick before the clinic gets too busy!

Blue’s niece Kylie has become something of an entrepreneur & started up a recruitment company a few months ago. She has recently moved out of her old office into a more luxurious one.  After settling in she sends a message to her Uncle. “I finally moved out of that dingy old office & into a beautiful new one.”

Blue was delighted for his niece & ordered a bunch of flowers to be delivered to Kylie’s new office.  The next day a beautiful flower arrangement arrives with a tag attached “Rest in Peace.”
Confused, Kylie rings her Uncle & asks if he sent the flowers.  Blue says there must have been a mix up at the florist as his note said something entirely different.

Rather annoyed Blue telephones the florist where he ordered the flowers.  “We’re so very sorry” says the lady at the other end. “I know you’re upset but I need to explain.”  She continued “We’re also trying to deal with a funeral in another part of Brisbane & they got a flower arrangement that says…
‘It’s about time you left that dump & found somewhere decent’

      

Clinic's getting busier so I'd better


Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4762 on: September 22, 2020, 08:56:26 PM »
Hi Pen,

June had a dental appointment over at Coorparoo today - coincidentally at an appropriate time 2:30.  So Dusty and Bonnie got together for their usual workout,  By the time I got a few photos they were totally knacked.

Friends 1
Friends 2
How Knacked is this?

I am knacked too

     

Cheers, Jack


“For fools rush in where angels fear to tread" - Alexander Pope in his 1711 poem 'An Essay on Criticism.”

lilys field

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4763 on: September 23, 2020, 11:33:27 AM »

Knacked under their chairs—could life get any better!  These photos are smile-o-genic.  Thanks for sharing

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4764 on: September 23, 2020, 10:38:22 PM »
Hi Jack

Paula's right & smile-o-genic is spot on :)

Flying visit today as it seems to be extra busy today!  Weather's turned here today.  Much colder & we've had the first rain for yonks.  Think our Indian Summer has well & truly gone :(

          


Dragonman

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4765 on: September 24, 2020, 01:09:32 AM »
Paddy was going to a three day convention but when he got to the venue he was told it was cancelled because of the corona virus so he sent his wife a text message to say he was coming home early.
When he got home he found his wife in the bedroom with his neighbor.
He went round to see his mother in law and told her what he had found.
She said there must be some explanation and went to see her daughter.
When she returned she said to Paddy there was a simple explanation.





His wife hadn't receive his text message.

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4766 on: September 24, 2020, 04:32:24 AM »
That tickled me :laugh:

whisky

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4767 on: September 24, 2020, 03:26:58 PM »
Nice story about Blue's niece who started the recruitment company.

Is she the one, who, upon returning from a long lunch, found a pile of resumes on her desk ?
She then picked up a good batch, maybe half of them, and tossed them in the bin.
Then with a wry smile said 'we don't hire unlucky people !'

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4768 on: September 24, 2020, 08:04:33 PM »
 Hi Pen,

Had my best night’s sleep for weeks last night.  Not that I slept right through but I was never awake for more than 10-15 minutes.

Bonnie had a big day.  Puppy school this morning and Dusty come over for a dust up after lunch.

Intermission

  Beauty and the Beast saying goodbye as the visitors drove off

I wanted to post a walkie talkie joke, but I needed to think it   - over.

What do you get if you cross a centipede with a parrot?  A walkie-talkie.

If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything:
  • Stamps = Lickie Stickie
  • Defibrillators = Hearty Starty
  • Bumble Bees = Fuzzy Buzzy
  • Pregnancy Test = Maybe Baby
  • Bra = Breastie Nestie
  • Fork = Stabby Grabby
  • Socks = Feetie Heatie
  • Hippo = Floatie Bloatie
  • Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy
  • Laxitives= passy-gassy
  • Loofah= cleanie-beanie
  • Ocean wave= wooshy-splooshy
  • Musical= singy-thingy

It's good to see more friends adding to the joke pool - Over
« Last Edit: September 25, 2020, 05:29:23 AM by Ozzyjack »
Cheers, Jack


“For fools rush in where angels fear to tread" - Alexander Pope in his 1711 poem 'An Essay on Criticism.”

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4769 on: September 25, 2020, 12:02:20 AM »
Hi Jack

Another busy day for me!  Cracking pictures :)  I don't know what you're feeding her but she seems to be getting bigger every week :laugh:

I liked your walkie talkie theme - made me chuckle :laugh:  It got me thinking about Roger & from there I made the leap to one of my favourite films.  As silly as you like but it always makes me smile ;D
 

         
Leave you with a daft assortment!

Thank goodness