Author Topic: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)  (Read 289119 times)

Hobbit

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2215
  • Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4560 on: August 10, 2020, 08:04:30 PM »
Quote

Today’s story is set, I hope, a long time in the future.  It was sent to me in an email with very graphic pictures but I deleted them from this post in case they got Les too excited.


Morning Jack

Your joke made me howl with laughter & your comment about Les really tickled me :laugh:  You cheered up a very hot & sticky Monday morning!

The fracture clinic is manically busy with little or no social distance :(  Roll on lunchtime!
             

When you've mowed your lawn perhaps you could nip round & do mine :laugh:

Can't believe the pups will be ready to leave their mum next week!  It's gone really quickly!  Bet you can't wait :)

« Last Edit: August 10, 2020, 08:07:17 PM by Hobbit »

Hobbit

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2215
  • Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4561 on: August 10, 2020, 08:30:01 PM »
Quote

Sorry ladies but i had never actually heard of salad cream so just assumed that it was the same as mayo. ( i should use google more often ... by the way when it become Ms google ... do you get the same results from Mr google ?)

P.S... Pen i am sure that you would look quite lovely weather it be the kettle or anything else that you are putting on.

Hey Les glad to know you're still an old smoothy chops :-*

Does this answer my question about the difference between Ms Google & Mr Google? >:D





Ozzyjack

  • Glossologian
  • **
  • Posts: 1883
  • Redlands, SEQ
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4562 on: August 10, 2020, 08:53:42 PM »
1. a very hot & sticky Monday morning!
2.Can't believe the pups will be ready to leave their mum next week!  It's gone really quickly!  Bet you can't wait :)

1. That's what I was frightened about if I left the picture of a naked Dolly in the story.

2.  No, mum is not getting rid of them so easily.  Next Sunday is just the selection process.  They get 3 more weeks of expert training before they are handed over to the great unwashed.

   
« Last Edit: August 10, 2020, 08:56:15 PM by Ozzyjack »
Cheers, Jack


In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching him.  He was out of breath. - Conan O'brien

Hobbit

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2215
  • Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4563 on: August 10, 2020, 09:50:21 PM »
Quote

1. That's what I was frightened about if I left the picture of a naked Dolly in the story.

2.  No, mum is not getting rid of them so easily.  Next Sunday is just the selection process.  They get 3 more weeks of expert training before they are handed over to the great unwashed.


Oh Jack you're definitely helping my Monday along :laugh:


I obviously lost track of the time hoping you would have your pup next weekend!  Still it gives me a bit more time to suggest a name!

Lunch in 10 minutes :-H  Same as yesterday - egg & salad cream with ham only this time it's in a cheesy topped roll.  To quote Linda delish :)

Ozzyjack

  • Glossologian
  • **
  • Posts: 1883
  • Redlands, SEQ
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4564 on: August 11, 2020, 03:55:29 PM »
Hi Pen,

Playing dress-ups yesterday.

 
.



My Scottish mate, Jock, was having a winge session.

I canna make my wife oot

First she says “Aye fine, have a tattoo if you want

Noo she’s moaning aboot aw the pipers in the garden.



Cheers, Jack


In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching him.  He was out of breath. - Conan O'brien

Hobbit

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2215
  • Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4565 on: August 11, 2020, 07:45:28 PM »
Hi Jack

Another day in the tropical jungle that is Milton Keynes!  3 more days of intense heat & then it's meant to start cooling down a bit on Friday.  We had a bit of rumbly thunder yesterday evening & a few drops of rain.  It didn't cool things down but it was lovely to stand out in the rain :laugh:

I do so love the pictures of the pups - they give me a lift & make me smile.  I'm not sure we're allowed to play favourites but the girl in the top left picture looks like she can't wait to get into mischief & sort those 2 boys out :laugh:

        

Back to the grindstone...

Ozzyjack

  • Glossologian
  • **
  • Posts: 1883
  • Redlands, SEQ
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4566 on: August 12, 2020, 06:56:10 AM »
Cheers, Jack


In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching him.  He was out of breath. - Conan O'brien

Hobbit

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2215
  • Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4567 on: August 12, 2020, 07:13:49 PM »
Thanks Jack :)
Hotter than ever today if that's possible :(  We had about 20 minutes thunder & lightning very very frightening at about 10 last night followed by 5 minutes of torrential rain.  I went to bed & lay in a puddle of sweat waiting for it to return!! Needless to say I didn't get much sleep :-Y  Had enough now it can bugger off please :laugh:

         
 
It was Hamish's birthday and to celebrate he offered his friend, Hector, a really tiny glass of whisky.
"There you are Hector. That's a 15-year-old malt whisky."
"ls it now?" said Hector looking at the minuscule measure. "It's very small for its age!"
Leave you with a silly naff joke :laugh:




les303

  • Word-meister
  • ****
  • Posts: 166
  • Never give up just keep on trying
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4568 on: August 12, 2020, 09:00:41 PM »
" My Scottish mate, Jock, was having a winge session.

“I canna make my wife oot”

First she says “Aye fine, have a tattoo if you want”

“Noo she’s moaning aboot aw the pipers in the garden.”

Gidday Jack,
I have to admit that it took me a moment or two before the penny finally dropped & i got the joke, it made me laugh out loud.
I think that the only reason that it finally clicked was because of a visit that i made to my mothers house several years ago.
This was a time of her life when she was living alone, very hard of hearing & with worsening dementia. ( it was only a few months later that we finally convinced her to sell up & move to a nursing home )
I clearly remember the visit as i knocked & banged loudly on the front door but there was no response, ( nothing unusual about that as by this time despite the most expensive hearing aids, she was deaf as a post )
So i let myself in & walked into the lounge room to see her sitting on the spare chair from her sewing room which was now positioned about 2 feet from the television with her head craned forward, & a big smile on her face as she tapped her feet in sync with her hands tapping on her thighs.
As i came into her line of sight she jumped up to give me a hug & thanked me for the flowers.
Mum just loved to have fresh flowers sitting on the kitchen window sill or as the center piece of the kitchen table or on the display cabinet in the lounge room so i rarely visited without a bunch of fresh flowers even if they were only a cheap $10 bunch from Woolworths.
She would always make a big deal about it  " why are you wasting your money on more flowers "your last bunch is still going strong because i look after them & put sugar in their water. '"( apparently that makes them last longer ?) Give me these new ones & i'll put them in water strait away.
So i was a little surprised that on this occasion, she threw my new bunch of flowers on the table " i'll put them in water later " but right now you have to fix up my T.V, because its broken & i can barely hear it.
I had bought mum a DVD player a few years earlier & i can remember just how proud she was that after just a couple of hours/days of repetitive tuition she had mastered how to control both the T,V & the DVR with their individual remote controls.
As time went by & Mum became a bit confused,  i had to label each remote with  brightly coloured stickers which corresponded to the applicable device along with a step by step letter for each device.
Of course the problem on this day was simply that she was trying to use the DVR remote to operate the T.V,
Ok Mum, it's all sorted, i'll just chuck this chair back in the sewing room & you can get comfortable  back on your lounge to watch your show, with the volume turned up as loud as you like.
For the next couple of hours we sat side by side, smiled at each as we clasped our hands together & tapped on our thighs to the  Royal Military Tattoo.

 
I






Ozzyjack

  • Glossologian
  • **
  • Posts: 1883
  • Redlands, SEQ
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4569 on: August 13, 2020, 01:05:54 AM »
Another day in the tropical jungle that is Milton Keynes!

It's better in Africa, Pen.

Tarzan swang back into the treehouse after a day in the jungle.  He sees Jane in the kitchen with a couple of pots on the stove.

Tarzan: what's for dinner

Jane: Look in the pots

Tarzan opens the first and it is a pot full of monkey pieces. He opens the second and it is full of little birds cooking.

Tarzan: oh no not finch and chimps again.

What do you call it when you make Asian food in the jungle?  Taking a Wok on the wild side.

We had about 20 minutes thunder & lightning very very frightening at about 10 last night followed by 5 minutes of torrential rain.

    
Cheers, Jack


In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching him.  He was out of breath. - Conan O'brien

Ozzyjack

  • Glossologian
  • **
  • Posts: 1883
  • Redlands, SEQ
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4570 on: August 13, 2020, 01:16:43 AM »
G'day Les

Here's a bit of trivia for you.

The term "tattoo" derives from a 17th-century Dutch phrase doe den tap toe ("turn off the tap") a signal to tavern owners each night, played by a regiment's Corps of Drums, to turn off the taps of their ale kegs so that the soldiers would retire to their billeted lodgings at a reasonable hour. With the establishment of modern barracks and full military bands later in the 18th century, the term "tattoo" was used to describe the last duty call of the day, as well as a ceremonial form of evening entertainment performed by military musicians..

We used to watch the Royal Edinburgh Military Tatoo every New Year's eve on the idiot box.  I had to go to Scotland to learn that what we were watching was just a replay of one nights performance during the Edinburgh Festival in August.
Cheers, Jack


In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly, police didn't have any trouble catching him.  He was out of breath. - Conan O'brien

Hobbit

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2215
  • Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4571 on: August 13, 2020, 04:55:40 AM »
I enjoyed your jokes & trivia Jack :)

It was lashing it down when I left work & thunder & lightning again :(  I 'borrowed' a brolly that had been left in our waiting.  Problem was it was one of those big black automatic ones.  I struggled to get it down but got in the car ok.  Must have caught it on the gear knob or something & it flew back open again :o  I was already soaked through but it wet my car seat & everything else :laugh:

   


les303

  • Word-meister
  • ****
  • Posts: 166
  • Never give up just keep on trying
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4572 on: August 13, 2020, 01:25:58 PM »
" We used to watch the Royal Edinburgh Military Tatoo every New Year's eve on the idiot box.  I had to go to Scotland to learn that what we were watching was just a replay of one nights performance during the Edinburgh Festival in August. "

Thanks for the history lesson Jack.
In fact i found a link to the Royal Edinburgh Military Tattoo & watched a bit of it last night.
It was the same one that i had watched with mum all those years ago.

Hobbit

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2215
  • Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4573 on: August 13, 2020, 08:16:23 PM »
G'day Jack

It's still pouring with rain & it's very dark outside.  Thankfully no more thunder & lightning :)  Work's quite busy - I'm going to treat myself to an early finish & scarper after lunch :)  Working saturday which is not so good :(

I forgot to say your Tarzan joke tickled me :laugh: 
I found these by accident ;D
Tim Vine – “Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes”
Joan Rivers – “All my mother told me about sex was that the man goes on top and the woman on the bottom. For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”
Ken Dodd – “I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.”
Jo Brand – "The way to a man's heart is through his hanky pocket with a breadknife."
Milton Jones – “I was mugged by a man on crutches, wearing camouflage. Ha ha, I thought, you can hide but you can’t run.”
Tommy Cooper – "Police arrested two kids yesterday. One was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."

      

Ooops I seem to have mislaid a patient - oh dear!

Linda

  • WordStar
  • ****
  • Posts: 6726
  • Cumbria, England
    • View Profile
Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #4574 on: August 13, 2020, 08:59:01 PM »
Quote
It's still pouring with rain & it's very dark outside.

Really, Pen?  It's beautiful here today.  Sunny and breezy - washing fluttering away and am admiring my new colourful pegs!!  Doesn't take much to please me, as you can tell!  Yesterday was unbearably hot but as I was working we could keep fairly cool with all doors open and fan on full blast.  Trying to sleep in this heat can prove to be a bit of a challenge but I was so tired last night (and I had a couple of glasses of pinot) that I managed seven and a half hours - not enough for me really - I am a bit like a cat when it comes to sleep!!  Going to make lunch now - mashed tuna, spring onion and salad cream on granary bread - yum!  >:D