Author Topic: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)  (Read 275501 times)

Les303

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #420 on: March 04, 2018, 06:27:21 PM »
Loved that classic, thanks Val.


Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #421 on: March 04, 2018, 08:36:14 PM »
Pen: my grandfather's friend used to swear by........ eating two raw (peeled) onions.
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A relative of garlic, most onions have a sharp, spicy flavour, although some are sweet and mild. They are used in dishes throughout the world and also medicinally. Onions carry inflammatory and antioxidant chemicals that may act as remedies. One way they are used is to fight colds.
Until I did my research, I thought your grandfather’s friend's cure was fanciful.  However, it now appears that there is a sound basis for his cure.  Raw onions are claimed to have many other health benefits.

You may be aware that Tony Abbott, an ex-Australian Prime Minister was ridiculed for eating raw onions in public.  I considered it one of his less obnoxious eccentricities.  But it looks like I will have to overcome my prejudices and compliment him on this aspect.

I cannot forgive him, however, for some of his other eccentricities such as re-introducing Australian knighthoods (overturned by his successor) and trying to fix the deficit by screwing the poorest members of our society and not imposing a fair share of pain on the rich.  He was the son of Ten-Pound poms and did them no credit.

But his most grievous sin in my book was the misogynist and chauvinistic way he bullied and undermined another of our ex-prime-ministers, Julia Gillard, our first and so far only female occupant of the position. IMHO, perhaps I should omit the H, she was the best Prime Minister we have had since Hawke and Keating.  Among the many other things I liked about her was that she was a daughter of ten pound poms who came from Wales – and what better recommendation can you get than that!
Cheers, Jack


On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window. - Dan Spencer

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #422 on: March 04, 2018, 09:18:17 PM »
Of course there is another benefit that can be derived from eating lots of oysters, but i won't go into that on this family friendly website.
Les, why do you shy away from that Dirty Word Aphrodisiac

DISCLAIMER: I abhor the poaching of Rhinoceroses for Aphrodisiacs and Elephants for Ivory
I didn’t want my story to be seen as support for that obnoxious trade.

Two women are talking about their husbands.  The first says her husband seems to have lost interest in sex.  Her friend tells her that she had that problem as well, but she started giving her husband powdered rhino horn and his performance improved dramatically. The first woman tries this and starts giving her husband a substantial dose each morning.

A few weeks later she meets her friend again who asks if the rhino horn has had any effect.

‘Yes’ said the woman, ‘he is now an insatiable lover. The only trouble is if we are out anywhere and he see a Land Rover, he tries to charge it’.
Cheers, Jack


On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window. - Dan Spencer

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #423 on: March 04, 2018, 09:42:35 PM »

Jack's suggested that I should not " take on " the hags.  As you seem to support that suggestion then i will of course withdraw.

Les, there is, of course, a middle ground.  "take on" suggests a contest of intellects in which I have already said I think we would be outclassed.  However, many of the hags seem to have acquired busy lives which prohibits them from being as active contributing as they did several years ago, so there may be mutual benefits in collaborating in cooperative dialogue on subjects of mutual interest.  It takes time to develop a relationship to the stage which we have reached in which sharp repartee in banter is seen to be amusing and enjoyable rather than offensive.

The hags developed a tight knit group and I would counsel that we wait to be invited to contribute to their conversation rather than barge our way in.










Cheers, Jack


On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window. - Dan Spencer

Les303

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #424 on: March 04, 2018, 09:49:21 PM »
Hi Les & Jack
thanks for your good wishes & Jack you hit the nail on the head about the bloody coughing >:(
Think I'll give the rum a whirl though I doubt I can get Bundaberg OP Rum in snowy Bletchley!
Sorry Les will pass on the oysters.  Just the thought of them makes me shiver more than I already am :laugh:
Look forward to any anecdotes or jokes in the name of medicine!
I hate being crook (is that right or should it be crock?)  Not a very patient patient!
Penx

Oh no, Pen, our first disagreement !!!
I have to agree that oysters do look quite disgusting but have you ever actually tried one?
Oysters kilpatrick is one of my favourite entrees but then i also enjoy eating crumbed sheep's brains & liver for breakfast which i assume that you would also not be to fond off, of course in your company i would happily avoid those treats for something that we both liked.

At least your rotten cold has not been severe enough to send you to hospital.
You asked for a joke but I know that you prefer a  little story ;

Our football season is about to kick off shortly so although i do not follow the aerial ping pong that they play in Melbourne, i did ask ozziejack who he fancied for this years title.
Quite out of character, he went into a bit of a tirade of how he had missed the last half of last years final because of ozziejune.
She had caught a cold that had turned so nasty that Jack had no option but to take her to hospital & of course by the time that he got back home the footy final was over & he had missed the entire second half.
It was just an overnight stay for June & the doctors were happy to release her the following afternoon with the only criteria being that their must be someone there to meet her & escort her from the hospital.
Well Jack did not have a particularly good day at work that following day, he copped constant ribbing from his workmates about how he had missed the final & to top it off the office air conditioning failed.
Jack knew how long it would take for the technicians to come & repair the airconditioning & as he had experienced this same issue many times before he knew that all that had to be done was to wriggle your way about 6 feet into the duct & flick a switch.
So to the cheers of everybody, Jack remedied the problem although it resulted in him looking quite bedraggled in his work suit & feeling quite exhausted.

His efforts did earn him an early pass so that he was able to go and pick up June from the hospital.
Well, by the time that he had done a dozen rounds of the hospital carpark before he could actually find a spot & then to be slugged $30 by the parking attendant, Jack was not a happy chappy & as he argued with the parking attendant " i'll only be 5 minutes , i'm just here to pick up the wife", Sorry Sir, but that is our minimum charge.
Swearing under his breath, Jack makes his way to June's ward.
He has directions, building B, green level 6A, yellow ward 23 , bed number 13C.
As he walks around & around in this rabbits warren he finally concedes defeat & asks a staff member for directions.
( What is it about blokes that unless absolutely desperate they refuse to ask for directions ? )
Finally, he has found bed number 13C but the bed is empty, the lady in the adjacent bed explains that June is in the shower.
As he sits on the empty bed with his briefcase between his legs & totally exhausted from all his running around, he is thinking to himself that he is going to have just as much trouble finding his way out of this joint.
At this point a senior nurse approaches with a wheelchair, ok sir, it looks like you are are all set to go.
Oh, no thankyou, i don't need any assistance.
Please Sir, i must insist as it is the policy of this hospital to ensue that all persons are escorted safely from this ward to the exit.
Ok, thank you & as they gone down in the lift the nurse enquires, so who do you have meeting you ?
Well that would be the wife who is currently upstairs changing out of her hospital garments.

« Last Edit: March 05, 2018, 11:41:02 AM by Les303 »

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #425 on: March 04, 2018, 10:16:50 PM »

Look forward to any anecdotes or jokes in the name of medicine!


A woman and her husband go to the doctor because the woman is complaining of shortness of breath. After fifteen minutes, the woman comes out into the waiting room and says, "Apparently, my problem is that I have a nice genital organ."

"Excuse me?" says the husband.

"That's what the doctor said. My problem is that I have a nice genital organ." The husband is a bit angry and goes in to talk to the doctor.

"What's this about my wife having a nice genital organ? I need a damn good explanation."

"That's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I said she has acute angina."

+++++++++++++++++

A skilled nurse died and arrived before St. Peter, who explained, “We have this little policy of allowing you to choose whether you want to spend eternity in heaven or in hell.” “How do I know which to choose?” She asked. “That’s easy,” said St. Peter. “you have to spend a day in each place before making a decision.”

With that, he put the nurse on an elevator and sent her down to hell. The elevator doors opened and the nurse found herself in a sunny garden, where many former friends and colleagues warmly greeted her. She had a great time all day laughing and talking about old times. That night, she had an excellent supper in a fantastic restaurant. She even met the devil, who turned out to be a pretty nice guy. Before she knew it, her day in hell was over and she returned to heaven.

The day in heaven was okay. She lounged around on clouds, sang, and played the harp. At the end of the day, St. Peter came and asked for her decision. “Well, heaven was great and all,” the nurse said, “but I had abetter time in hell. I know it sounds strange, but I choose hell.” With that, she got in the elevator and went back down.

When the doors opened, she saw a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. Her friends, dressed in rags, were picking up garbage and putting it in sacks. When the devil walked over, she said to him, “I don’t understand. Yesterday, this place was beautiful. We had a delicious meal and a wonderful time laughing and talking.” The devil smiled and said, “Yesterday we were recruiting you. Today you’re staff.”




Cheers, Jack


On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window. - Dan Spencer

jane@manutd

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #426 on: March 04, 2018, 10:38:33 PM »
“Have you noticed all the recent banter about the big reunion of the " hags " gang?
Apparently they are all back on line but i haven't seen too much posting from them, perhaps they have all become a little shy in their latter years”

Still here, just quietly ‘finding out’ who all the newer people are, was also re-reading the old posts and havin* a chuckle to myself! Our original Hags posts remains one of the longest on the Forum
Life very busy so have to get the Chi-Life balance!
Linda, Birdy - did anyone manage to get hold of T?  >:D

Les303

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #427 on: March 04, 2018, 11:07:46 PM »

Jack's suggested that I should not " take on " the hags.  As you seem to support that suggestion then i will of course withdraw.

Les, there is, of course, a middle ground.  "take on" suggests a contest of intellects in which I have already said I think we would be outclassed.  However, many of the hags seem to have acquired busy lives which prohibits them from being as active contributing as they did several years ago, so there may be mutual benefits in collaborating in cooperative dialogue on subjects of mutual interest.  It takes time to develop a relationship to the stage which we have reached in which sharp repartee in banter is seen to be amusing and enjoyable rather than offensive.

The hags developed a tight knit group and I would counsel that we wait to be invited to contribute to their conversation rather than barge our way in.

Jack, I was quite excited to see the reunion of the hags, their clever wit, instant repartee & genuine humour was an absolute delight.

When i gave Linda & her cronies a prompt to resume posting,  there was actually no challenge intended, just an invite to participate in the " more or les " thread or reignite their own thread where i am sure that there might have a been an opportunity for us to sneak in .. a la smaug.











Linda

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #428 on: March 05, 2018, 12:24:00 AM »
The Hags' wit and repartee relied on several of us being on Chi at the same time and using the Forum as an instant messaging vehicle ... it doesn't really work when there is a long time delay between messages.  Hags are renowned for their lack of patience and if more than a minute went by without a response it was a case of
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Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble
... not pretty!  I am hoping that the other Hags will meet up with me
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In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
  I can't be a lone voice in the Chi wilderness!  >:D

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #429 on: March 05, 2018, 06:25:59 AM »
A great big thanks to Val, Les & Jack for all your hilarious jokes & stories.  Was going to say I'll have to be poorly more often but on second thoughts most definitely NOT!  First time I've been ill for well over a year & it's dragging on & getting on my nerves now.  Here's to good health for all Forumites.
Penx

Hobbit

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #430 on: March 05, 2018, 06:34:40 AM »
Quote


Oh no, Pen, our first disagreement !!!
I have to agree that oysters do look quite disgusting but have you ever actually tried one?
Oysters kilpatrick is one of my favourite entrees but then i also enjoy eating crumbed sheep's brains & liver for breakfast which i assume that you would also not be to fond off, of course in your company i would happily avoid those treats for something that we both liked.

At least your rotten cold has not been severe enough to send you to hospital.
You asked for a joke but I know that you prefer a  little story ;

Oh Les that's terrible but, hopefully, only a very minor disagreement!!
You are of course quite correct I've never actually tried oysters but the thought of them gives me the heebie jeebies! Likewise the sheep's brain I'm afraid.  Like a bit of lamb's liver but not for breakfast.
I'm sure we can come to an amicable compromise over what to eat!
Thanks for the story - spot on.
Penx

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #431 on: March 05, 2018, 02:38:08 PM »
Les, I am letting you off the hook again. My story today is one that is against me and is embarrassing and moreover it is true.

She and I were out driving recently.

She shall remain nameless because each time I mention her in a post, I get put on a diet of hot tongue and cold shoulder.  She is an intensively private person.  I put this downto a Presbyterian upbringing.  On the other hand I was raised a Catholic and was brainwashed early in life to confess everything. Consequently, I spill my guts at the drop of a hat.  But I digress, sorry!

Me:  There’s another one of those houses that has a plaque that says its name is ‘EMOH RUO’.  I must have seen a hundred of those in my life-time.  It looks like it is in the Maori language.  I must ask one of our New Zealand friends what it means.

She: Read it backwards.

B U G G E R ! ! !
Cheers, Jack


On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window. - Dan Spencer

Les303

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #432 on: March 05, 2018, 02:58:14 PM »
That might help explain how that world renowned scientist came up with a dollar value for the human brain.
He was being interviewed by a throng of journalists after publishing a controversial paper in which he was predicting that in the future people's brains would be able to be harvested after their death & placed on the open market, he further theorised that the brain of a female human would be worth $5 million while the brain of the male human would be worth $10 million.
Of course the first question was from a female journalist who asked him to explain how he had arrived at those valuations.
That was really quite simple because the male brain is so rarely used it is almost like brand new.

Jack, liking your little one liners at the bottom of your posts.

Ozzyjack

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #433 on: March 05, 2018, 04:20:53 PM »
The Hags' wit and repartee relied on several of us being on Chi at the same time and using the Forum as an instant messaging vehicle ... it doesn't really work when there is a long time delay between messages. 
Linda, I am a dummy, which I also demonstrated in an earlier post.  I completely missed that the repartee was in chat room mode.  It must have been hard to organise with the Hags I have identified being spread over 3 or 4 diverse time zones (UK, US,NZ and perhaps more).  Also it must make it rather difficult to reconstitute the Hags.
Just out of idle curiosity – Is BBB, ThreeB and BiggerBirdBrain the same person?
Cheers, Jack


On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window. - Dan Spencer

pat

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Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« Reply #434 on: March 05, 2018, 07:28:23 PM »
Just out of idle curiosity – Is BBB, ThreeB and BiggerBirdBrain the same person?

Yes indeed, Jack. And she used to be a regular contributor. I sometimes wonder what happened to people like threeb and TechnoMC when Alan replies to an old word request and their names appear in the thread. I hope they simply got fed up with playing rather than anything more sinister.