More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)

[Ozzyjack]

Hi Pen,

I appreciate the compliment, Pen, but you’ve got it all wrong

This is a genius

This is Jack

I don’t know what this is

I hope you don’t cry at weddings, Pen

but you’re sure to laugh at the seaside

Perhaps you could get there on the buses

   

[Hobbit]

Hi Jack

Gearing myself up for a busy afternoon on fracture clinic! 

I can't decide if the lady wiggling her derriere is Wilma Flintstone or Betty Rubble   Loved the naughty seaside postcards
As you were talking about buses I had to look  for a bus joke!

Will and Guy have an old friend called Dave Barker who lives in Portsmouth, Hampshire.  In recent years Dave has turned his hand to driving buses.
One Friday an inebriated man got on Dave's double-decker bus and sat in the bottom deck close to Dave.  Now, Dave is not meant to allow drunks onto his bus but he had a good heart and let the man stay on.
The man started rambling on and on, so Dave suggested he should sit upstairs. 'The air is cleaner up there and you'll get a much better view.' The man agreed, but returned a few minutes later. 'What's wrong?' Dave asked. 'Don't you like it better up there?'
'It's fine', the drunk said. 'But it's too dangerous: There's no driver'.

I found this next joke by accident! I have a horrible suspicion I might have posted it before but I'm really hoping not

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one’s gate parking
location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206″:

Speedbird 206: “Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway.”
Ground: “Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven.”
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, Ground, I’m looking up our gate location now.”
Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, twice in 1944 — but I didn’t land.”

      


toodle pip Pen

[cmh]

It's Wilma. Betty Rubble has black hair.

[Ozzyjack]

As you were talking about buses I had to look  for a bus joke!

Hi Pen,

Actually I thought the On the buses sketch was the weakest of the three but as it prompted your excellent joke, it was well worth while.

As I have 8:00 gym and the house is cold, I'll give you two more for when you get home and race back to bed.

It's a pity I didn't find this one for your Bank holiday

Does this depict a typical UK doctor's surgery?

[Hobbit]

  JACK

Just going to phone No1 daughter then I'll enjoy Dick Emery & Cissie & Ada

Til tomorrow.  Have a good Wednesday & enjoy the gym

[Hobbit]

It's Wilma. Betty Rubble has black hair.

Thanks Christine.  If I engaged brain I should have remembered that! Pen

[Hobbit]

  JACK

Thought I'd get ahead of the game & get in early this morning! Having a quiet 10 minutes before it gets busy! I hope you had a good work out at the gym   I enjoyed Dick, Cissie & Ada with a nice cuppa yesterday evening

A small random assortment!

      

& a small radiology joke...

While working as a radiographer in A&E, I took some X-rays of a trauma patient and took the results to the radiologist, who studied the multiple fractures of the femurs and pelvis.

'What on earth happened to this patient?' he asked in astonishment.

'He fell out of a tree,' according to the report.

The radiologist wanted to know what the patient was doing up a tree.

'I'm not sure, but his paperwork states he works for Mark's Expert Tree Pruning Service.'

Gazing intently at the X-rays, the radiologist blinked and said, 'Cross out 'expert.'

Is it still cold & wintry there?  I got an electric fire which looks like a fake log burner.  Not as good as a proper fire but lovely on a cold winters day Will you be sitting next to the radiator with a glass of something warming?


  Mon Ami

[Ozzyjack]

Hi Pen,

I partially developed a post earlier today and then had to attend some other duties.  I thought you might need some geeing up so I tried to develop a motivational post but it needed a lot more work.  Now I’ve seen your post it seems superfluous but as I’m knacked, and it is an early morning tomorrow as we are off to Brighton Lakes for the first game of golf in a week,  I’ll send it and hope you can get some enjoyment out of it. 

Hopefully the cold snap here will be over by the weekend.  Anyway, Sydney will be a lot warmer tomorrow than the highlands.

The partially developed post follows.

Mme Penelope

Das ist verboten



Ve have vays to Motivate you.

           

If we can’t do that, we can make you laugh

Cissie & Ada - Chatting on the Doorstep

benny hill touche touche moutons

[Hobbit]

Thanks Jack   No hope about it!  I got a lot of enjoyment out of it   Instead of being a motivational speaker perhaps you should consider being a motivational poster!  Love Ada & Cissie   You can't beat some of the older stuff.

No1 Daughter has just arrived for a cuppa.  A lovely unexpected surprise

Have a smashing round tomorrow (today)
 
  This is how to celebrate when you win

Pen

[Ozzyjack]

This is how I looked before I teed off this morning.



This is how I felt after the round.  I think I had used all of the excuses on the Excuse Towel except too hot, greens too slow, and it rained– Brilliant. Enough said.

So I need to follow my own advice and snap out of it.

   

I’ve got to go to the station to pick up a visitor, so I will quickly sign off with:

At the art gallery

And as they mention Mike Harwood, who I hadn’t heard of

some of his highlights

[Hobbit]

Oh Dear Jack
Doesn't sound like one of your better rounds of golf.  Hopefully you're feeling a little bit more up beat & cheery now.  It is the most frustrating game there is!
         

I remember seeing Mike Yarwood in a seaside town called Bridlington many many moons ago.  He was a fairly good impressionist in his day.  Lots of politicians - especially Harold Wilson.

What To Do About Cars Speeding In Your Village?
The local council could not afford a speed camera, so they put up a sign saying:
Slow down Old People's Home.  - It had no effect.

At the next meeting the decided to play on the paternal instincts and put up a sign:
Danger - Children at Play.  - No discernable reduction in traffic speed.

Then the chairman had a brain-wave and suggested they try a sign with:
Nudist Colony.  - As a result of the Nudist Colony notice, white vans and lorries crawl thought the village.

   

Not sure what got me onto the subject of dodgy driving.  Maybe I went from golf driving to car driving!

Just going to transmogrify into an efficient smiley friendly receptionist...



Pen


 

[Ozzyjack]

Hi Pen,

I had a much better day today.  We have visitors so I took them to a top restaurant in Berrima.  I had Kangaroo Tartare followed by Wagyu steak washed down with a lovely shiraz.   Dinner at home was a Fish Pie washed down with Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc.  I have just finished picking my horses for tomorrow, so I am feeling great.

A few memes for you:

         

And two videos

Dick Emery playing golf

pub sketch

[Hobbit]

Hi Jack

Glad to hear you had a much better day today   I've heard of Wagyu steak but I've never tried it.  The most exciting steak I've had is fillet which is my favourite but quite pricey.  We weren't very exotic - No1 daughter & I had fish, chips & mushy peas

     
Hope you've picked some good'uns

I particularly enjoyed the pub sketch -hilarious
I'll see your pub sketch & offer you a snippet of Dave Allen
Dave Allen


Pen

[anona]

Hi, Jack. I'm really not dissing your choice of food - I'd like to try wagyu steak but never will because of the price. Sometime last year I saw this clip about it. It's quite lengthy, but if you were interested and had the time (as I do!) ....
https://youtu.be/w7z_qeQRmKQ

[Ozzyjack]

Hi Anona,

I did a little research and was surprised to find that these days Australian meat is not all that much cheaper than UK meat.  When we toured the UK about 10 years ago our meat diet was Bangers and Mash and Mushy Peas and Guinness Meat Pies because steak was much more expensive than in Australia.

Here is a comparison from 3 years ago:

Today's exchange rate is one British pound = AU$1.92.(The current exchange rate is $A1.82) The UK meat cost £100.72, equivalent to $193.38 AUD. Here in Australia, the same amount of fresh meat cost $163.28 making the UK meat 18.4% more expensive. ... In spite of that though, there is still only one conclusion; meat is cheaper in Australia than in the UK. - Apr 27, 2016

They didn't do Wagyu  but there is a thriving industry in Australian grown Wagyu and it is about 50% more expensive than good fillet steak.  No doubt imported Japanese Wagyu probably costs an arm and a leg.

The Eschalot where we dined yesterday specialises in quality rather than quantity so the "grade 6+ wagyu fillet, short rib, potato gratin, charred witlof, pumpkin" only cost $A47 which is  £25.  Comparatively cheap compared with the wine bill for the four of us of £95.

I wouldn't want you to get the impression that I live like this every day - It was a special occasion.

I enjoyed the video and it goes to prove that good chefs can make almost any ingredients taste top drawer.