Author Topic: One-liners  (Read 246 times)


  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 3293
  • Rugby, England.
    • View Profile
« on: August 23, 2022, 04:38:02 AM »
An arts festival is held in Edinburgh in Scotland every year and some of the performers are stand-up comedians. They hold a competition for the best one-liner.

These are the winners this year; some of them might give you a chuckle.

1. I tried to steal spaghetti from the shop, but the female guard saw me and I couldn’t get pasta.
2. Did you know, if you get pregnant in the Amazon, it’s next day delivery?
3. My attempts to combine nitrous oxide and Oxo cubes made me a laughing stock.
4. By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I, but it is the same house and the same family.
5. I hate funerals. I’m not a mourning person.
6. I spent the whole morning building a time machine, so that’s four hours of my life that I’m definitely getting back.
7. I sent a food parcel to my first wife. FedEx.
8. I used to live hand to mouth. Do you know what changed my life? Cutlery.
9. Don’t knock threesomes. Having a threesome is like hiring an intern to do all the jobs you hate.
10. I can’t even be bothered to be apathetic these days.


  • Cryptoverbalist
  • *
  • Posts: 610
  • London, UK
    • View Profile
Re: One-liners
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2022, 05:17:15 AM »
Love a good one-liner! Number 4 🥹


  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 3784
  • Redlands, SEQ
    • View Profile
Re: One-liners
« Reply #2 on: January 18, 2023, 10:03:28 AM »
Hi Pat,

I just caught up with your post.  It's a bugger getting old and slow. ;D

I chuckled all the way through.

« Last Edit: January 19, 2023, 02:36:27 AM by Ozzyjack »
Regards, Jack