Author Topic: Insult of the day!!  (Read 10273 times)

technomc

  • WordStar
  • ****
  • Posts: 8513
  • Dorset UK
    • View Profile
Insult of the day!!
« on: July 15, 2011, 12:27:54 AM »
Although i try very hard to put into practice  my daily mission of making someone laugh, sometimes nothing but an insult is deserved or forthcoming.

In that vain i thought i would start an insult a day, just in case anyone else feels the same and has run out of ideas...please feel free to use them as and when justified...and if you have any of your own that i could use, all the better...


Todays insult is;

Yet another idiot suffering from diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain...

birdy

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 3283
  • Brooklyn, NY
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2011, 03:49:48 AM »
"Please let me know when they turn the light on in your empty attic."

Mehe

  • Neophyte
  • *
  • Posts: 24
  • Auckland, New Zealand
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #2 on: July 15, 2011, 10:42:14 AM »
My personal favourite:

"The wheel's turning... but the hamster's dead."

Canis meus id comedit! Ego spondeo!

mkenuk

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2115
  • Life? Don't talk to me about life.
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #3 on: July 15, 2011, 11:52:46 AM »
Thai has some fairly colourful insults. In Thailand, to call someone a buffalo (kwai) is pretty bad, but one of the worst is to call him a monitor lizard (sounds a bit like 'I hear' in English); the word for 'pimp' and 'crab-lice' is the same ('mengda'); a sluttish woman is 'a golden flower' ('e-dork tong').
MK

ensiform

  • Paronomaniac
  • ******
  • Posts: 444
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2011, 02:13:31 PM »
This is a very, very widely circulated and (despite what is usually insisted when they are reposted) almost certainly NOT real list of employee progress reports.  This community seems to like this sort of material, and I think some of these are particularly clever examples of the sort of "sitcom snark" popular on the Internet; here you go:


1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
5. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
6. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
7. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
8. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
9. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
10. "A gross ignoramus --- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
11. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
12. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
13. "He's been working with glue too much."
14. "He would argue with a signpost."
15. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
16. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
17. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
18. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
19. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
20. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
26. "If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
21. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
22. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
23. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
24. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
25. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

technomc

  • WordStar
  • ****
  • Posts: 8513
  • Dorset UK
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #5 on: July 19, 2011, 12:39:46 AM »
Love them.....i am passing them on to colleagues and friends..

My insult for the day is:

I will try to be nicer if you try to be smarter......

[I think that one is quite nice actually......]

birdy

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 3283
  • Brooklyn, NY
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #6 on: July 19, 2011, 01:47:04 PM »
That hardly sounds like an insult at all, T - just a reasonable bargain!

Hobbit

  • Eulexic
  • ***
  • Posts: 2123
  • Bletchley, Buckinghamshire, England
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #7 on: July 19, 2011, 10:35:15 PM »
A favourite in our neck of the woods is "the lights are on but nobody's home".  I love "the wheel is turning but the hamster is dead".  Fab!  :laugh:

technomc

  • WordStar
  • ****
  • Posts: 8513
  • Dorset UK
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2011, 12:50:30 AM »
'A sandwich short of a picnic' is one of my faves...and i often use 'the lights are on...'

But todays offering is:

I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?



Keep them coming...loving them so far...

Nova

  • Logologist
  • **
  • Posts: 55
  • Finland
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2011, 12:13:54 PM »
Here is one I find myself using too often:

- That person has an IQ somewhere between a brick and a potted plant.

2 tanners

  • Logologist
  • **
  • Posts: 51
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #10 on: July 21, 2011, 09:06:01 PM »
And from Australia:

"Looks like a case of kangaroos loose in the top paddock"
"Several snags short of a barbie/ two beers short of a sixpack / couple of sandwiches short of a picnic"

From the internet my favourite has always been the delightfully ambiguous

"You would be extremely fortunate to get this person to work for you..."

technomc

  • WordStar
  • ****
  • Posts: 8513
  • Dorset UK
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #11 on: July 21, 2011, 09:08:55 PM »
Loving the last one....

Snags are sausages aren't they???


Todays offering;

You are cruelly depriving a village of its idiot.......



Tom44

  • Paronomaniac
  • ******
  • Posts: 437
  • Pyrotechnics Live
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #12 on: July 22, 2011, 02:29:31 PM »
Said at the bridge table (cards):  You play like a bratwurst.
Stevens Point, WI

technomc

  • WordStar
  • ****
  • Posts: 8513
  • Dorset UK
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #13 on: July 22, 2011, 08:50:50 PM »
What a lot of names there are for the humble sausage..

Franks
Frankfurters
weenies
weiners
snags
hot dogs
bangers

Any others??


technomc

  • WordStar
  • ****
  • Posts: 8513
  • Dorset UK
    • View Profile
Re: Insult of the day!!
« Reply #14 on: July 22, 2011, 08:51:37 PM »
Todays insult....

If Moses had met you, there would be another commandment....!!