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Messages - Ozzyjack

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Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: Today at 12:55:29 AM »
Ooops I seem to have mislaid a patient - oh dear!

Hi Pen,

I probably have never told you that I have a reading disorder which results in me completely missing the prefix “mis” which is why I sing this sentence.

So, when I read your post, my immediate reaction was “OMG, that woman knows how to get job satisfaction”.

I am a happy little chappy, Pen.  Well, that’s not quite true but 2 out of 3 ain’t bad.  I now have fast broadband again.

I like the way we Queenslanders think.  We get a public holiday in Brisbane each year for the Ekka.  The Royal Queensland Show (Ekka) is Queensland's largest and most loved annual event, normally attracting on average 400,000 people.
Running for 10 days in August since 1876 and staged at its original birthplace, the Brisbane Showgrounds, the Ekka brings the country and city together for a true celebration of agriculture.  It was originally called the Brisbane Exhibition, but it is more commonly known as the "Ekka", short for "exhibition".

Dagwood dogs and strawberry sundaes are to the Ekka that strawberries and cream and cucumber sandwiches are to Wimbledon.

The 2020 Ekka has been cancelled because of COVID-19 but we don't give up our traditions lightly, so today we have our public holiday and Dagwood dogs and strawberry sundaes are available all over town.


Guess who is food oriented already?

Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: Yesterday at 01:16:43 AM »
G'day Les

Here's a bit of trivia for you.

The term "tattoo" derives from a 17th-century Dutch phrase doe den tap toe ("turn off the tap") a signal to tavern owners each night, played by a regiment's Corps of Drums, to turn off the taps of their ale kegs so that the soldiers would retire to their billeted lodgings at a reasonable hour. With the establishment of modern barracks and full military bands later in the 18th century, the term "tattoo" was used to describe the last duty call of the day, as well as a ceremonial form of evening entertainment performed by military musicians..

We used to watch the Royal Edinburgh Military Tatoo every New Year's eve on the idiot box.  I had to go to Scotland to learn that what we were watching was just a replay of one nights performance during the Edinburgh Festival in August.

Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: Yesterday at 01:05:54 AM »
Another day in the tropical jungle that is Milton Keynes!

It's better in Africa, Pen.

Tarzan swang back into the treehouse after a day in the jungle.  He sees Jane in the kitchen with a couple of pots on the stove.

Tarzan: what's for dinner

Jane: Look in the pots

Tarzan opens the first and it is a pot full of monkey pieces. He opens the second and it is full of little birds cooking.

Tarzan: oh no not finch and chimps again.

What do you call it when you make Asian food in the jungle?  Taking a Wok on the wild side.

We had about 20 minutes thunder & lightning very very frightening at about 10 last night followed by 5 minutes of torrential rain.


Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: August 11, 2020, 03:55:29 PM »
Hi Pen,

Playing dress-ups yesterday.


My Scottish mate, Jock, was having a winge session.

I canna make my wife oot

First she says “Aye fine, have a tattoo if you want

Noo she’s moaning aboot aw the pipers in the garden.

Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: August 10, 2020, 08:53:42 PM »
1. a very hot & sticky Monday morning!
2.Can't believe the pups will be ready to leave their mum next week!  It's gone really quickly!  Bet you can't wait :)

1. That's what I was frightened about if I left the picture of a naked Dolly in the story.

2.  No, mum is not getting rid of them so easily.  Next Sunday is just the selection process.  They get 3 more weeks of expert training before they are handed over to the great unwashed.


Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: August 10, 2020, 12:52:07 PM »
Hi Pen,

In Facebook today, I think we got a look at the other people lined up for the puppies.

The caption was “5 weeks old today   only one week until we start making decisions on where these babies will spend their lives.   ”

Today’s story is set, I hope, a long time in the future.  It was sent to me in an email with very graphic pictures but I deleted them from this post in case they got Les too excited.

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton both die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.  Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, 'OK, your Majesty, you may go in.'

Dolly is outraged and asks, 'What was that all about?  I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?'

'Sorry, Dolly,' says the Angel, ‘but even in Heaven, a Royal Flush beats a Pair - no matter how big they are’.

I must go and mow the lawn.  The grass grows faster here in a week than it did in a month down in the Highlands.

Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: August 09, 2020, 03:52:08 PM »
Hi Pen,

I liked your cartoons better.

Looks like Kimmy is sleepier than me

The boys are going to have to learn martial arts.


“I wouldn’t be rough like that”


And I’ll leave you with Fitzy’s Joke of the week.

A young man, thrown into a prolonged period of self-isolation with his elderly grandmother, is looking feverishly about the house and finally can stand it no longer. He shouts from his room, ''Granny, have you seen my pills? I put them in your old headache-tablet bottle and marked them LSD.''

Bugger your pills,” Granny responds from down the hall, “have you seen all the dragons playing trombones in the kitchen?”

Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: August 08, 2020, 04:47:37 PM »
Hi Pen,

It’s Saturday afternoon and I’ve decided to stop doing jobs and have the rest of the day relaxing.  I tried to keep up with Les on the 7-by-many and I am so out of practice that I had to give up.  So, I thought I might find something funny that I haven’t seen before.



Oh well !!  I’m out of practice at that too.

Your telco jokes were spot on.  I think I was too tired to get angry.  They use COVID-19 as an excuse for their tardiness.

Must go.  It’s wine O’clock.

Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: August 07, 2020, 08:51:24 PM »
Hi Pen,

Another busy day in paradise.  Two and a half hours on the phone to get a promise the I will get broadband by next Thursday. All the pictures and photos are hung and the barbecue is assembled.  It is starting to look like a home rather than just a house.  I found a way to hook my computer to the iPhone which makes use of the internet easier if not speedier.

The effects of the week are possibly best explained by the interchange on Facebook by my daughter and one of my mates
Richard Crockett: Belated happies  Hope the oldies behaved.

Daughter: Thanks Dick, they were party animals 🥳. Dad snoozed at the dinner table and they were in bed by 8:30 pm. All the unpacking has worn them out!

I've excelled myself tonight.  I've stayed up until 9  :D

Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: August 07, 2020, 08:34:34 PM »
Hi Christine and Carol,

I wouldn't worry me to call out "hey Doris" unless, of course, it was a male. >:D

Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: August 07, 2020, 06:29:10 AM »
Hi Pen,

I missed this one posted in Facebook earlier yesterday.  It shows all of the pups together.

We go back to meet the pups again on August 16 and shortly after that, we should know which pup we are about to get.

Back to Redland Bay shortly to work out where all the pictures and photos will be hung and to watch my son-in-law put together the new barbecue they bought us as a housewarming present.  I will continue my struggles with the telco.

I laughed at your public signs.

Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: August 06, 2020, 08:59:07 PM »
Hi Pen,

Still no luck with the broadband at home but

Here's something that might amuse you

Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: August 06, 2020, 05:31:14 AM »
Hi Folks,

We are spending our second night in the new house.  I was so whacked on Tuesday night I slept for 9 hours. We have all the boxes unpacked although parts of the house still look like bombsite.

One problem is that I have not been able to get NBN working so I have no broadband.  I am reliant on my iPhone for the internet and it is annoyingly slow and limiting.

The pups are getting very mobile. 

There is a birthday in the Coorparoo family today and We will be staying there tonight. I will have access to broadband, so I will try to Get time to post a video.

Whatever / Re: More or Les (was Bloody Plurals)
« on: August 04, 2020, 05:17:34 AM »
Thanks, Pen, that makes me feel a lot better.

It was just the lack of response from Jack that made me feel that I might have said something inappropriate without even realising it. ( I'm sure you remember the sexist episode ).
I just did not want to also be labeled as a racist as well.
I must sound a bit paranoid but I do value Jack's opinion & do not want to lose his respect or yours for that matter.

Hi Les,

I'm sorry you took my lack of response to your post as a sign of disapproval.  I intended to get back to you and to Carol when things quietened down.  I had no problems with your post.

I am not claiming my view is right but I can't join you in your adulation of Greg Norman.  I'm not downplaying his past greatness as a golfer but I think he is a bit up himself off the golf course and I am diametrically opposed to his political views.  I am very admiring of Adam Scott, Jason Day, Pat Rafter, and Ash Barty.

I look forward to your posts but cut me a bit of slack on my replies for the next week or so.

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