Lexigame Community
General Category => Whatever => Topic started by: technomc on July 15, 2011, 12:27:54 AM
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Although i try very hard to put into practice my daily mission of making someone laugh, sometimes nothing but an insult is deserved or forthcoming.
In that vain i thought i would start an insult a day, just in case anyone else feels the same and has run out of ideas...please feel free to use them as and when justified...and if you have any of your own that i could use, all the better...
Todays insult is;
Yet another idiot suffering from diarrhea of the mouth and constipation of the brain...
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"Please let me know when they turn the light on in your empty attic."
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My personal favourite:
"The wheel's turning... but the hamster's dead."
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Thai has some fairly colourful insults. In Thailand, to call someone a buffalo (kwai) is pretty bad, but one of the worst is to call him a monitor lizard (sounds a bit like 'I hear' in English); the word for 'pimp' and 'crab-lice' is the same ('mengda'); a sluttish woman is 'a golden flower' ('e-dork tong').
MK
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This is a very, very widely circulated and (despite what is usually insisted when they are reposted) almost certainly NOT real list of employee progress reports. This community seems to like this sort of material, and I think some of these are particularly clever examples of the sort of "sitcom snark" popular on the Internet; here you go:
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
5. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
6. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
7. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
8. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
9. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
10. "A gross ignoramus --- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
11. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
12. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
13. "He's been working with glue too much."
14. "He would argue with a signpost."
15. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
16. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
17. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."
18. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
19. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
20. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
26. "If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
21. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
22. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
23. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
24. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
25. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
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Love them.....i am passing them on to colleagues and friends..
My insult for the day is:
I will try to be nicer if you try to be smarter......
[I think that one is quite nice actually......]
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That hardly sounds like an insult at all, T - just a reasonable bargain!
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A favourite in our neck of the woods is "the lights are on but nobody's home". I love "the wheel is turning but the hamster is dead". Fab! :laugh:
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'A sandwich short of a picnic' is one of my faves...and i often use 'the lights are on...'
But todays offering is:
I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others?
Keep them coming...loving them so far...
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Here is one I find myself using too often:
- That person has an IQ somewhere between a brick and a potted plant.
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And from Australia:
"Looks like a case of kangaroos loose in the top paddock"
"Several snags short of a barbie/ two beers short of a sixpack / couple of sandwiches short of a picnic"
From the internet my favourite has always been the delightfully ambiguous
"You would be extremely fortunate to get this person to work for you..."
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Loving the last one....
Snags are sausages aren't they???
Todays offering;
You are cruelly depriving a village of its idiot.......
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Said at the bridge table (cards): You play like a bratwurst.
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What a lot of names there are for the humble sausage..
Franks
Frankfurters
weenies
weiners
snags
hot dogs
bangers
Any others??
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Todays insult....
If Moses had met you, there would be another commandment....!!
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Brilliant T!
How about "Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort just for me?" :laugh:
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Two rather unattractive people get married -
"At least they won't spoil two houses!" >:D
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Todays offering is;
Sorry if i'm drooling - i had to get drunk before i could come and talk to you!!
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I just heard this one, and am adopting it! It's perfect for a number of acquaintances. >:D
You are (he/she is) a WOMBAT! (Waste Of Money, Breath And Time)
A few more old standards:
1) Don't let your mind wander, it is far too small to be let out on its own.
2) Couple of cards shy of a deck.
3) Would you like some cheese to go with that whine?
4) I'd like to leave you with one thought, but I am not sure you have anywhere to put it.
5) If what you don't know cannot hurt you, then you must be invulnerable.
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Here are some of courtesy of Queensland's primary kids;
You're so stupid you tried to drown a fish
You're so stupid you threw a bird off a cliff
You're so stupid you tried to bury a worm
You're so ugly that when you tried to enter a ugly competition you were told they did not allow professionals
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Loving those bambam...brilliant..